December 15, 1995 in Seven

Remakes, Star Matchups May Look Great, But Most Lose Their Luster

Fred Tasker Miami Herald
 

Movie fans are drooling over the delicious matchup of two mega-stars - Al Pacino and Robert De Niro - as cop and robber in the movie “Heat,” opening today in theaters nationwide.

Will they underplay their roles? Take them over the top? We can’t wait to find out.

But we have to wait, don’t we? So to kill time, let’s moon over some other really great star matchups, plus movie remakes, that we’d like to see. How about:

Sly Stallone and Ahh-nold Schwarzenegger in “My Fair Gentleman,” in which they dress up swell and try to teach each other proper speech: “Yo! Duh rain in Spain …” “Nein, nein, schweinhund! Vhy cahn’t you be more like a mahn?” A gun battle ensues.

Just in time for Christmas, Oliver Stone’s remake of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” in which Jimmy Stewart is stopped from committing suicide by an elderly angel, who takes him back through his life, discovers he was involved in the Kennedy assassination, the My Lai massacre and the Nixon cover-up, and concludes, “Maybe you better go ahead and jump.”

Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson in “The War Between the Roses.” Mediocre acting, maybe, but a good chance of casualties.

Jim Carrey and Robin Williams in “Frenzy.” And you could star the audience in a remake of “Breathless.”

Newt Gingrich and his sister Candace in “Irreconcilable Differences.”

Roseanne and Tom Arnold in “Irreconcilable Similarities.”

Lloyd Bridges, Beau Bridges and Jeff Bridges move to Iowa in “The Bridges of Madison County.”

O.J. Simpson in “Presumed Innocent.”

O.J. Simpson in “Prime Suspect.” (Take your pick.)

Mother Teresa, Pia Zadora and Ruth Buzzi in “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.” (Mix & match ‘em yourself for hours of zany fun.)

Anthony Quinn and anything in a skirt in “Eight Isn’t Nearly Enough.”

Hugh Grant and Divine Brown in “Blow-Up.”

Hugh Grant and Divine Brown in “Never Love a Stranger.”

Hugh Grant and Divine Brown in a sequel: “Love With the Proper Stranger.” (Take your pick.)

Bob Dole, Phil Gramm and Newt Gingrich in “Grumpy Old Men.”

Bill Clinton in “What Did You Do in the War, Daddy?” (See how even-handed we are here?)

Jack Palance in “Man With a Golden Arm.”

Harry Hamlin, Harry Anderson, Harry Belafonte and Deborah Harry in “The Trouble With Harry.”

Mel Gibson, Dennis Franz, David Caruso, Harvey Keitel in “Northern Exposure.” (C’mon, THINK about it.)

Lorena and John Wayne Bobbitt in “Short Cuts.”

Sean Connery, Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnan in “You Only Live, Ohhh, Twelve or Fourteen Times.”

Sharon Stone, Carrie Otis, Elizabeth Berkley, etc., in “Full Disclosure.”

Bob Hope, George Burns and Milton Berle in “On Borrowed Time.”

Pee Wee Herman in “Handle With Care.”

Pee Wee Herman in “The Jerk.”

Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding in “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee.”

A much more logical version of “Indecent Proposal,” in which it’s Larry “Bud” Melman, not Robert Redford, offering the big bucks for Demi Moore.

Now that is indecent.


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