One Celeb’s Christmas Is Another’s Zoo Fantasy

And what would you like for Christmas, boys and girls? Bet whatever it is, it doesn’t involve human biology.

Not like what’s involved in the gift that Garth Brooks suspects he’s getting: a third child.

The mega-CD-selling country crooner tells reporters that another baby would be the perfect topper to his Christmas stocking. And, he says, “I think I already got it.”

Since lab tests are still pending, how does he know? Wife Sandy, Brooks reports, is “saying she’s not feeling too good in the mornings.”

Meanwhile, speaking of Christmas wants, “Beverly Hills 90210” star Tori Spelling reports that her desire is for something a lot simpler than a child.

What’s on her wish list? “A monkey,” she says.

Loose talk

Dolly Parton on beauty aids (in McCall’s magazine): “I believe in my cosmetics line. There are plenty of charities for the homeless. Isn’t it time somebody helped the homely?”

Cal’s baby brother is known as the Tinman

Billy Ripken turns 31 today.

So, are intravenous drugs then out of the question?

So what is the secret of being a good Santa Claus? According to Tom Valent, operator of a famed Santa Claus school in Midland, Mich., the guidelines are simple: “Never flirt, never drink, never smoke, avoid bad breath and grotty jewelry.”

This show made even Alan Thicke look good

Say bye-bye to “The Stephanie Miller Show.” The syndicated mix of talk and would-be comedy has been cancelled. What was the problem? As one critic succinctly put it, “It reeked.”

The parts that don’t shrink belong, of course, to science

If you’ve ever seen the Barbi twins, you know that they bring the level of Bimbo-dom to new levels. With chests that rival steamer trunks and bodies that are licorice-stick thin, they’ve always seemed a bit unreal. Now we know they are. As Shane recently said of sis Sia, she once OD’d on a laxative that she’d taken to keep that svelte shape.

Someone tell Conway that he can stop singing now

Cow-pie crooner Conway Twitty died in 1993, but his hearing died long before that. His widow, Dee Henry Jenkins, reports that Twitty “had a substantial hearing loss in one ear and partial loss in the other.” Fearing a negative reaction from the music community, Twitty kept his condition a secret. He relied on cues from his band during live shows.

Hey, isn’t that Calvin Klein underneath that shrub?

According to Mademoiselle magazine, “Tyra Banks, Frederique and 10 other models are doing their part to save the rain forests by starring in a new video, ‘Supermodels in the Rainforest.”’

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 Color photos

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Dan Webster