Jets Eliminated, But Don’t Count Out Tampa
The playoff picture in the NFL, as of 12:01 a.m. EST today, as confirmed by the NFL Management Council, NFL Properties, NFL Films, NFL Charities and Fred Edelstein:
Although Tampa Bay will miss postseason for 13th consecutive year, always innovative Buccaneers coach Sam Wyche is “calling around” to see if a 7-9 record would qualify for Continental Basketball Association or American Hockey League playoffs.
Most teams finishing 8-8 will miss the playoffs but will receive “parity coupons” good for a 1-1 start at the outset of the 1996 season.
The AFC Central has become the first division ever to have four teams eliminated from next season’s playoffs.
Due to narrow losses to Indianapolis (twice), Buffalo, St. Louis and New England and not-so-narrow losses to Miami, Atlanta, Oakland, Buffalo, Carolina, New England and Houston, the Jets were edged out of the playoffs.
Either Minnesota, Chicago or Atlanta is likely to earn the NFC’s final postseason berth, but the league - in an unexpected move - announced none of those teams would be allowed to advance out of the first round of the playoffs.
The Rams can make the playoffs if they beat Miami, Minnesota loses to Cincinnati, Chicago loses to Philadelphia, Atlanta loses to San Francisco and hell not only freezes over but also becomes a “destination resort” with a Disney-themed ice show.
Note: Revised NFL tie-breaking procedures for wild cards replaces “strength of schedule” in favor of “team without Jeff George.”
(TV Tidbit: Peter King of Sports Illustrated reported on ABC’s Monday Night Football that talks between the players union and management for an extension on the collective bargaining agreement were “dead.” The next day, the union leadership and league - pending ratification - agreed to a contract extension.
Oops! That’s what you get when you do your reporting on a sneaker phone.)
(Random Rant: What’s with Art Modell getting $50 million in moving costs? To ship 53 helmets, four pylons and a blocking sled? I moved cross-country three years ago and it cost me $24.95 a day with U-Haul. Fifty million? Who’s moving these guys, Siegfried & Roy?)
As always, the following point-spread picks are for recreational purposes only:
Chargers (-4-1/2) at Giants
Following example set by Cowboys last week, Giants players will “pass the hat” for game officials prior to Saturday kickoff. … Interesting contrast: We don’t actually see the hands of a clock move, but they do; meanwhile, the Giants’ offense appears to move, but it doesn’t. Pick: Chargers.
Cowboys (-9) at Cardinals
In lieu of Tuesday film session, Cowboys assistants secretly viewed “Mutiny on the Bounty.” … At urging of coaches, Deion Sanders now rooms on road with tackling dummy. … Arizona’s team Christmas party is scheduled for third quarter unless game is within reach. Pick: Cowboys.
Saints (-2) at Jets
There is a growing school of thought amongst National Football League cognoscenti that perhaps Rich Kotite might be better suited to aluminum siding. … Roll this one off your tongue for fun: Jets coach Newt Gingrich. … Jets offense likened to early days of rail travel. Pick: Saints.
Dolphins (-5-1/2) at Rams
Far be it from me to tell Dolphins LB Bryan “Hit n’ Spit” Cox how to run his life, but I don’t think it would hurt him the next time he’s summoned to NFL offices in New York to bring along Johnnie Cochran. Pick: Dolphins.
Vikings (-5) at Bengals
In assessing the coaching skills of Cincinnati’s Dave Shula, I’m reminded of a line uttered in “Wall Street” by Gordon Gekko: “If this guy owned a funeral parlor, nobody would die.” Pick: Vikings.
Lions (-8) at Buccaneers
Excerpt from Tampa Bay QB Trent Dilfer’s most recent IA meeting: “Hi, my name is Trent.” “Hi, Trent.” “It has been six days since my last INT.” Pick: Lions.
Oilers at Bills (-4)
Bills coach Marv Levy and several starters may miss kickoff because they’ll still be at Costco stocking up on Snickers bars. Pick: Bills.
Seahawks at Chiefs (-7)
If Seahawks win this game, finish 9-7 and make playoffs, I’ll eat my hat (and The Man wears a tony tam-o’-shanter). Pick: Chiefs.
49ers (-10) at Falcons
Falcons look to hold Jerry Rice to under 289 yards. Pick: 49ers.
Patriots at Colts (-6)
Patriots scrapped Christmas benefit featuring live nativity scene when they could find no wise men. Pick: Colts.
Browns (-3-1/2) at Jaguars
For someone who actually cares about this game, please press the pound key. Pick: Browns.
Broncos at Raiders (-5)
Raiders DT Jerry Ball to star in new television series, “The XXL-Files.” Pick: Broncos.
Eagles at Bears (-2-1/2)
Bears’ 2-minute offense now features guide dog. Pick: Bears.
Steelers at Packers (-4)
Another Kordell Stewart plus: He cooks! Pick: Steelers.
Panthers at Redskins (-4)
Scoring will be on the 10-point-must system. Pick: Redskins.
Last week: 8-6-1.
Season record: 110-104-8.
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Norman Chad Syndicated Columnist