Cowboys Team To Beat, But They Can’t Win It

And so, the Dallas Cowboys - whose strategems are the most overanalyzed maneuvers since the Greeks tricked the Trojans with that old wooden-horse gag - wind up with the NFC’s best record and again are Super Bowl favorites.

And thus, it must be said: The Cowboys may be the finest team, but because they have overstepped some imaginary, indefinable line of reason and manners, because they are so overabundant and overblown and overloaded and overdone and overbearing and overstocked and overexposed and oversold and overconfident and overhyped and overindulgent, they simply cannot and will not take home the Vince Lombardi Trophy come Super Sunday.

Something will happen - if not before, then that day.

For if God is a football fan - and if you’ve got to figure He at least has cable - it will not come to being that an increasingly Steinbrenneresque owner running a Machiavellian franchise filled with power, greed, lust and sneaker loot can win it all.

At season’s start, Dallas may have been the best team. Then Deion Sanders went to Dallas, which is like the Whopper going to McDonald’s. Suddenly, the Cowboys had all the weapons - and all the wearisome characters.

There is Jerry Jones, who has made too many commercials (Nike, Pizza Hut) and too many sideline appearances. Filled with business sense, the biggest Cowboy has no horse sense.

There is Deion, who has made too many commercials (Nike, Pizza Hut, Sega) and punched too many opponents. Plus, at home, he probably doesn’t even like to tackle problems.

There is Emmitt Smith, formerly a class act, who taunted the Giants on opening night and seemingly calculates his total yardage after every carry.

There is Michael Irvin, who pushes off more than a pickpocket at a crowded corner.

And then there are the famed Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, who won’t give me the time of day.

These Cowboys simply have too many good players, too much bad money and too little taste.

The carnival-like atmosphere in Big D actually makes a more sympathetic character out of the highly entertaining, if highly erratic, Barry Switzer, who has guided back-toback 12-4 seasons and is routinely treated as if he’s due in the next police lineup.

America’s cry must be: Anyone But Dallas.

End-of-Year Business I: New-look Raiders now can enjoy “West Coast off-season.”

End-of-Year Business II: Sam “I Am” Wyche is now Sam “I Ain’t” Wyche. Wyche - 23-41 at Tampa Bay but steadily moving toward a possible playoff berth in the next eight to 10 years - was fired by the Buccaneers Wednesday. Next stop: TV! The always innovative Wyche already has contacted NBC about introducing a “3-D telestrator.”

As always, the following picks should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager:

Lions (-2) at Eagles

Let’s get straight on Wayne Fontes once and for all: The oft-beleaguered Lions coach now has gone to the playoffs four of the past five seasons. Meanwhile, neither Don Shula, Bill Parcells, Joe Gibbs, Mike Ditka nor Jimmy Johnson - all top-shelf - managed to make the playoffs four times over any of their last five years of coaching.

Fontes may not coach like Lombardi, he may not think like Einstein, he may not dress like Fabio, but he’s good enough for me and my gal (although, at the moment, my gal has a court order restraining me from coming within 500 feet of her DirecTV hookup). Pick: Lions.

Falcons at Packers (-8-1/2)

Atlanta belongs in the NFL playoffs like Bert Convy belongs on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Sure, the Falcons have a 1,000-yard rusher and three 1,000-yard receivers, plus the matchless Morten Andersen. But they’re on the road to nowhere, and Jeff George is driving the bus. In fact, if you’re down by a touchdown in the final 2 minutes and had to pick one guy to throw an interception - assuming Dave Krieg is out of the league next year - then you need look no farther than jittery George.

Note: Even though the Packers should win handily and there isn’t a person in my family not rooting for them - particularly those waiting on alimony checks - one must remember that, due to league rule, Green Bay still is precluded from winning this season’s Super Bowl due to its recent setback to Tampa Bay. Pick: Packers.

Dolphins at Bills (-3)

Figure on a carbon copy of their last matchup - a game decided by a field goal or less, with potential for some type of late, on-field altercation. Weather Note: At this time of year in Buffalo, spit turns to sleet before it hits the ground. Pick: Dolphins.

Colts at Chargers (-5)

Two weeks ago, these two teams played a critical, compelling game, and nobody cared. Frankly, nothing has changed. Pick: Chargers.

Last week: 8-7.

Final regular-season record: 118-111-8.*

(*-Actual Fact: This marks the sixth straight year - and I’ve only written this column for six years - in which I have finished the regular season above .500. What Lucky Luciano was to the ‘30s, I am to the ‘90s. I gaze, I analyze, I synchronize, I theorize, I spiritualize, then I wagerize and win. How and why? You know it as well as I do - I am The Man.)

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Norman Chad Syndicated Columnist