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Public Affectioners Should Try A Little Privacy

Wed., Feb. 15, 1995

The girl and guy latched onto one another before every single class period, enclosed in their passionate embrace, kissing and swooning over one another as if they were moving to separate countries.

Ah, true love! That sweet, sweet feeling has obviously swept them off of their high-schooler feet. Every time I see them I feel this burning, twisting emotion surge inside of me, dying to spurt forth into the crowd.

Or maybe that emotion is just my lunch, or breakfast, for that matter. If I see them one more time in front of my third-period class, somebody is going to die. Or get thrown up on.

And, as entertaining as it would be to see the couple doused with regurgitated food, I find I would much rather keep my innards to my self.

If you can’t tell, I hate touchy-feely couples. Impossible to avoid, they are found in every corner of my well-lit school. In fact, you can often find them blocking the normal path in the hallway. I constantly feel this urge to kick them out of my way, but being the sweet dispositioned gal that I am, I usually just shove.

Sometimes (if you’re lucky), you can find a herd of the public affectioners planted in one specific area. The couples seem to group together in couples of twos or threes, fortunately taking up little space because they are pressed so tightly together. They also enjoy juggling their newfound lovers, and every other week or so you can find the same girl with her best friend’s boyfriend, and the best friend with the girl’s old guy.

Maybe “making out” in front of a crowd causes an individual to feel extremely mature (I know I certainly would). Or maybe it causes a sense of security to realize a group of people are watching you with disgust. Or maybe, if you have a kinky personality, it simply turns you on.

Of course, I do not think all types of public affection should be outlawed. Holding hands is certainly not a problem, and neither is the occasional smooch (no tongues involved, please). What nauseates me is the full-bore, grinding, lustful kiss.

It’s certainly a sign of immaturity. If my boyfriend ever took my hand and whispered, “Wanta make out right here?” I would have a good laugh and then ignore him for the rest of my life.

The guy who starts french kissing me in the hallway is the guy who will end up limping around with a sore groin.

And how romantic can it be to “just go at it” in the hallway? It certainly isn’t the most private or romantic place in the world. School is simply the wrong atmosphere for intense physical activity between couples. It’s not the place to kiss, grope and fondle your favorite boyfriend or girlfriend.

Public affection is honestly disgusting and inconsiderate to others. Why would anyone want to shove their love life into the faces of those around them? It’s none of my business - and I would enjoy keeping it that way.


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