Future So Bright, Hoops Teammates Can’t See Him
Ask yourself this: Would you be reading this story if it were done by a replacement columnist?
I read that somebody paid $200,000 for Al Cowlings’ Ford Bronco.
It seems pretty stupid since the thing didn’t look like it could go over 40 on the L.A. freeways.
Just heard a good French-Canadian hockey term for where a player goes when he’s in the coach’s doghouse: “Chateau Bow-Wow.”
The exceptional documentary “Hoop Dreams,” evoked memories of playing basketball while growing up in south Chicago.
During one season, I was the lone Caucasian starter on my high school basketball team. My teammates found that a source of great humor. The two best jokes:
1) When on the playgrounds on weekends, they refused to pass to me, arguing that they couldn’t see me in the daylight.
2) They invited me to birthday parties so they could play “Pin the Tail on the Honky.”
Best nickname you’ve never heard of. Bestowed upon the cranially gifted, former free-agent Darian McKinney by his Seattle Seahawks teammates: “Fourslice toaster head.”
I once was told by a former NFL equipment manager that every type of equipment has, at one time or another, been turned back by a player for being too large.
Except one: the athletic supporter. “No one has ever come back and asked for a smaller one,” he said.
New Seahawks strength trainer Dana LeDuc is getting rid of the pansy, Club Med machines prevalent in the team’s weight room and replacing them with testosterone-inspiring free weights.
Two of last three years, the Hawks had the most players in the NFL on the injured-reserve list, and LeDuc believes that might be a result of conditioning practices - which will now face dramatic changes.
The reasoning may be sound, but something more indicative of the aggressive posture of the new Seahawks regime arose in a sanguine quote he gave the Seattle Times concerning his training philosophy:
“The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.”
Occasional Bloomsday racer Ed Eyestone, a twotime Olympian, might not meet LeDuc’s criteria for toughness.
As noted in USA Today, Eyestone dropped out of last year’s Los Angeles Marathon with a pulled groin muscle. The injury reportedly occurred when Eyestone played the guitar while sitting cross-legged before the race.
You gotta suffer to sing the blues.
A caller to a sports talk radio show this week suggested that Nicole Simpson’s dog be put on the stand. If it growls at O.J., he’s guilty.
Now there’s a great idea. How would we know it isn’t lying; as The Far Side cartoonist pointed out, some breeds will turn on you.
Speaker Newt Gingrich suggested that - to help solve the baseball strike - owners and players should sit together and watch the movie “Field of Dreams.”
If we’re going to overlay Hollywood’s vision upon reality, here’s hoping Newt watches “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.”
Agreed, too much is being made about Charles Barkley’s apparently joking statement: “That’s why I hate (objectional adjective) white people.”
I wonder, though, if it would have been viewed as amusing if Larry Bird had ever said: “That’s why I hate (objectionable adjective) black people.”
Sorry, WSU’s Kevin Eastman looks much too intelligent to be a basketball coach.
He’s really a botany prof.
Welcome to Holland. Former Gonzaga basketball standout Matt Stanford, as the story goes, was coaxed into a skinny-dipping outing by his new teammates in the Holland pro leagues. It’s a teamunity tradition, it was explained.
Stanford not only complied, but he was the last one out of the water. Reaching shore, he found that his clothes were gone, and in their place was a note that he could retrieve them at a popular bar downtown.
A recent track and field meet in Reno offered wagering on certain events. Interesting concept.
We’d like to point out, however, that this notion was initially broached decades ago by that prescient palomino Mr. Ed.
You might recall a certain episode when Ed uttered: “Sorry, Wilbur, I’ve got to get down to the Coliseum, I’ve got a little money riding on a man in the 100.”
xxxx