Parting Ways Stars Love To Say ‘I Do’ - But Only For The Moment

The phrase “Hollywood marriage” seems like a contradiction in terms, thanks to the likes of Geena Davis, 37, and Rosanna Arquette, 35, each already on husband No. 3; Jane Seymour, 44, on husband No. 4; and, of course, Elizabeth Taylor, 62, now on husband No. 7.

In case after case, famous couples seem to view their wedding vows as answers to multiple-choice questions. Soon after they say “I do,” well, they don’t.

Witness the recent parade of partings: Kevin and Cindy Costner, Christie Brinkley and Billy Joel, Roseanne and Tom Arnold, Heather Locklear and heavy-metal rocker Tommy Lee, Sally Field and producer Alan Greisman, Paula Abdul and Emilio Estevez, and Shannen Doherty and Ashley Hamilton. (Two examples of quick turn-arounds: Brinkley has already remarried, and Roseanne is pregnant by her new love.)

Then, of course, there was the 39-day union of Drew Barrymore and bar-owner Jeremy Thomas, at whose March wedding guests should have thrown Minute rice.

Even those who haven’t filed for divorce, such as the recently separated Cindy Crawford and Richard Gere, don’t seem to be good bets for growing old together.

And let’s face it: There’s a greater likelihood that Elvis isn’t dead than that the strange union between his daughter Lisa Marie and Michael Jackson will last much longer.

One reason stars divorce so frequently, says Dr. Richard Rabkin, a psychiatrist in private practice in New York City, is because, unfortunately, they get married in name only.

“Just because they legally get married, they don’t necessarily create a marriage,” he explains. “Marriage is a construction. You have to make it happen.”

The relationship itself may be short on history, the base from which a couple constructs a marriage.

“Celebrities often haven’t built a friendship before marriage,” says Zora Speert, a Southern California psychotherapist with a mostly filmindustry clientele.

“Their courtships tend to be quick-firing and based on instant gratification. Instead of slowly building a relationship, they often go from step one to step 10 in a week.”

All of which makes it that much easier to bail out when the relationship becomes even faintly difficult.

Personality also plays a significant role. The very characteristics that make someone hungry, and right, for stardom may be the ones that don’t contribute to a good, solid marriage.

For the most part, stars are not calm, even-tempered, well-adjusted folks. Tom Arnold and Roseanne immediately spring to mind.

What many celebs are, says Marion Solomon, a psychologist in West Los Angeles, are driven, exhibitionistic risk-takers with tumultuous emotional lives.

As a result, she says, “They can rarely relax and feel satisfied, and they don’t feel secure with success, which in fact may not be lasting.

“They need a lot of affirmation. They worry a lot, talk a lot about their anxieties. They need somebody to listen and to reassure them.”

That reassurance is all the more important when the celebrity and his or her spouse (who often is a star as well) aren’t on the same rung of the ladder.

One person’s career may be going up while the other’s is going down. The less successful mate can wind up feeling overshadowed.

This may be one of the many problems that have plagued Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson’s second marriage.

It also doesn’t help matters that stars - many of whom have an outsized sense of entitlement - tend to have high expectations for what love and marriage will provide, thus putting even more strain on a relationship.

The star’s famous partner feels the same sense of entitlement and asks, “What about me? What about my needs?”

“What you have then,” Solomon says, “is two people who are angry because their expectations are not being met.”

According to Speert, a sense of family or community - something that helps buffer everyday couples against the ups and downs of marriage - is usually missing in celebrity marriages.

Stars’ friends change from one movie set to the next, from one TV series to another. There are few people with whom the couple can establish a tradition of, say, brunch every Sunday.

Not surprisingly, celebrities are often looking for that sense of family - and normalcy - when they marry. It seems particularly true of young stars such as Doherty and Barrymore.

Establishing a home base - complete with mate - seems like the ultimate step toward attaining a normal and nurturing environment. Unfortunately, such nesting tends to be rather short-lived because a star’s work often takes him or her everywhere but home.

“For a relationship to last, you need continuity, sharing and doing things together, to give you a sense of intimacy,” Solomon says.

This simply isn’t possible when the star is away on location or a concert tour for umpteen months while his or her mate tends the home fires.

Compounding the problem is the opportunity such distance affords one or both partners to be unfaithful.

Experts say that Hollywood marriages - like all unions - shake from the impact of an affair.

“No matter how famous you are, you still feel betrayed by infidelity,” Arlene Kagle, a psychologist in private practice in New York City, says.

What probably helps non-famous couples survive betrayal is the belief that divorce may mean getting no one better - or no one at all.

But as a star, you have more choices.

“The fact that you’re a star,” Kagle says, “means there’s an endless supply of people who will be interested in you - if not for yourself, then for your celebrity status.

“You don’t have to worry about not having a date on Saturday night - or a spouse on Saturday night.”