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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Betting Houseboat Not Going Overboard In Super Mismatch

The San Diego Chargers should be universally embraced by sports fans.

For not being the Buffalo Bills.

A fifth consecutive Super Bowl loss by the Bills - irredeemable in their almost-excellence - might have been enough to cause fans to call for the elimination of professional football and the ceremonial burning of all reminders of its existence.

For sparing us this, San Diego, we offer a deep and sincere bow.

But there’s more than that going for the Chargers. They wear cool helmets featuring the likeness of electrical disturbances; they have strong management and coaching; and they possess the best linebacker alive.

None of which will prevent them from being ground into tiny little electrons by San Francisco in Sunday’s Super Bowl.

The 19-point margin touted by the thumb-breakers in Vegas isn’t nearly enough. This is the greatest mismatch in the XXIX years this thing has been held.

The Chargers deserve credit for being the best team in the AFC, which, as has been pointed out by many others, is the finest football conference outside of the NFC, the SEC and maybe the Big Ten.

But this will be a game that starts with Kathie Lee Gifford singing the National Anthem and somehow - against all laws of probability - will go downhill from there. Many reasons for this exist.

The Chargers’ superlative management and head coaching, to which we referred, consists of two men who are a combined 114 years of age but who are still called “Bobby.”

The gifted linebacker is Junior Seau. He’s 250 pounds and 26 years old. Yet they still call him “Junior.”

We sense that some kind of Peter Pan fear-ofmaturity thing is working against the Chargers.

Further, the 49ers have Steve Young at quarterback, a guy who has led the NFL quarterback ratings an unprecedented four consecutive times.

The Chargers have Stan Humphries at quarterback. His friends call him “Humpy.” Nothing beyond that need be said.

The 49ers have the best receiver ever to play the game - Jerry Rice.

The Chargers don’t.

At tight end, San Fran features Brent Jones. San Diego goes with Alfred Pupunu.

Jones has gone to the Pro Bowl. Pupunu has gone to Weber State.

Niner Deion Sanders will be the first athlete to play in a Super Bowl and the World Series. The Chargers have never been to the Super Bowl or World Series.

San Francisco seems to have more players wearing those funky deals on their noses that look like BandAids. These nasal dilators reportedly keep the players’ nostrils 31 percent clearer.

That has to be an advantage, although the most pertinent question in that regard is: How much did they have to pay some guy to take those measurements?

Also, San Diego is saddled with the Gale Gilbert Curse. Gilbert was the backup quarterback in the last four Buffalo losses. For all the shrewd acquisitions the Chargers made, how could this one have slipped in? Gilbert was not the cause of those defeats. But he might be a carrier.

The elements of this game are so stacked against San Diego, in fact, that the most intriguing stories to come out of South Florida this week are the updates on a cruise scheduled from Fort Lauderdale.

For prices ranging up to $1,500, fans can rub shoulders with 50 NFL stars and rub, well, they can take part in other festivities - such as a nude limbo contests - with a roster of 200 showgirls.

I’ve been in NFL locker rooms, and I eagerly would pay $1,600 NOT to go on a cruise in which an NFL star such as, say, Cortez Kennedy, would compete in a nude limbo contest.

So, you can disregard the XXX-rated cruise as easily as you can Super Bowl XXIX.

This will be over faster than you can say Pupunu.

The 49ers didn’t juggle the books to circumvent the salary cap all season just to go to Miami and lose.

So call the bookie: San Fran 42, San Diego 14.

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