Unconventional Wisdom

She was different from any woman he had ever met.

Perhaps it was the nose ring. Or the Harley chopper. Whatever it was, he found her irresistible.

Well, that was then and this is now: She’s weird, he decides. So he says goodbye.

Sociologist Diane Felmlee has a name for such unfortunate flings. She calls them “fatal attractions.” They are relationships that go bust when one or both lovers come to hate the very thing that initially most attracted to their onetime objet d’amour.

Such relationships are surprisingly common, reports Felmlee, who teaches at the University of California at Davis.

In her recent study of 301 young adults, she found that 29 percent said their last failed romance ended when a turn-on very literally became a turn-off.

Among the most common romantic reversals:

Fun to foolish: Felmlee found that 23 percent of the fatal attractions ended when one partner decided that their fun boy or girl was simply immature or silly. One woman in Felmlee’s study reported she broke up with her “funny and fun” boyfriend because he “never seemed to take the relationship seriously.”

Caring to clinging: In about 20 percent of the cases, a person first viewed as caring was later seen as smothering or domineering, such as the woman first attracted to her partner’s “intense interest in me” but who later wrote him off as “jealous and possessive.”

Competent to creepy: Seventeen percent involved people who were first attracted and then repelled by the “confidence” of their partner, such as the man who initially loved his girlfriend’s “intelligence and confidence” but ended the romance because of her “ego.”

Physical to boring: In 12 percent of the cases, lovers found that great looks or great sex aren’t everything.

One man who said he was first entranced by his girlfriend’s hot bod called it quits because their relationship was “based only on physical aspects.” Another man was attracted but then ultimately turned off by his former girlfriend’s wide-ranging sexual experience.

Exciting to unpredictable: About 10 percent of the fatal attractions studied involved people first viewed as exciting who later were dumped because they were a bit too exciting. One woman said she was first attracted to her former boyfriend’s “spontaneity” but later ended the relationship because he was “flighty.”

Working moms and single mothers

More than half of all married women with preschool-aged children are in the labor force. That is nearly double the proportion from just twentysomething years ago.

Overall, 59 percent of all married women with children under the age of 6 were employed in 1990. In fact, they were more likely to work than never-married moms (49 percent).

And they are almost as likely to be employed as formerly married single mothers, reported demographers Sara McLanahan and Lynne Casper in the new book “State of the Union: America in the 1990s.”

xxxx

This sidebar appeared with the story: PROPORTION OF WOMEN WITH CHILDREN UNDER 6 WHO WORK 1960:19% 1970:30% 1980:45% 1990:59% Source: Statistical Abstract of the United States, 1993, as reported in “State of the Union: America in the 1990s” edited by Reynolds Farley.