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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Cheap Seats

You mean this ain’t the gene pool, officer?

The Pittsburgh Pirates’ new Buccaneer mascot has been accused of having sex in a public pool. Tim Beggy, 23, and a 28-year-old woman were charged with open lewdness after police making a routine check found them at 3 a.m. Tuesday.

Beggy has been suspended as team mascot. He was chosen in May after an audition of 30 candidates.

How impressive was Beggy during auditions? Well, he narrowly beat out tough challenges from Hugh Grant and Danny Bonaduce.

I was just wondering, Pete …

Wimbledon champ Pete Sampras was on a teleconference call with national tennis writers when a voice came on, identified as “Jerry from L.A.”

Jerry: “Pete, I heard on the golf course that a lot of times you’d break clubs and other people’s clubs, also.”

Sampras: “Not on purpose.”

Jerry: “Not on purpose?” Sampras: “You are talking about the Jerry West story? Tell Jerry West he should get a club that is a little bit younger than 30 years old.”

Jerry: “But you shouldn’t beat it against a tree before you hit.”

Sampras: “No, no. What happened - you know the story - I mean, he is a great golfer and he had this old driver and I took a pretty good swipe at it like I always do and the clubhead came off. But I didn’t do it out of frustration. He was a little upset.”

Moderator Kevin O’Keefe: “Pete, I think we should let you know that the executive vice president of the Los Angeles Lakers, Jerry West, is on the line and that is indeed him.”

Sampras: “You bastard you, I thought maybe it was (ex-L.A. Times writer) Jerry Crowe or something.”

A short cab ride from Hell

You heard Barry Bonds whine about the heat down in Arlington, Texas, site of Tuesday night’s All-Star Game. Consider it justified now that the more reserved Kirby Puckett has weighed in. Puckett - accustomed to the cool Metrodome - had to wonder why any free agent would sign with the Rangers.

“See, they don’t bring you here in the summer,” Puckett figured. “This is unbelievable, it’s so hot.

“I’ve never been to heaven, or been to hell. But if this isn’t hell, it’s got to be a suburb.”

The last word …

“While I don’t mean to judge a person before all the facts are in, it seems as though this particular individual is a few peaches short of a bushel. One clue is that apparently she actually followed baseball this season, a fact that immediately places her on society’s fringe.”

- Michael Ventre, Los Angeles Daily News, on wacko who threatened Toronto star Roberto Alomar

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo