‘Human Smolts’ Seem More Like Hams Than Salmon

So, the five “human smolts” who swam the Snake River to dramatize the plight of salmon don’t understand what dams are for? How about low-cost electricity? And the Port of Lewiston? And recreation? But social progress doesn’t seem important to “The Fishy Five,” who completed a combined swim of 470 miles from Redfish Lake to Lower Granite Dam, near Lewiston, on Tuesday. Said one of the fry: “That’s why they call it a ‘dam.’ You’ve damned this river.” The “Fish First!ers” want us to spend $710 million to retrofit four dams for bigger spring spills (one of the options being considered by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers). But no one knows if the tactic would restore salmon runs without serious side effects. One thing’s for sure, though: The five used the right visual bait to attract a school of journalists (read, suckers). Film at 11.

Budding Beavis hangs rat, shoots moon

Employees at Paul Bunyan Pak-Out in Coeur d’Alene weren’t serving Hot Potatoes on Tuesday. But they should have been - particularly to the lout who flipped them the finger and then hung a “B.A.” Apparently, the mid-20s jerk didn’t like the service, so he pulled down his pants. (What does this guy do when things really go wrong in his life?) After he had been served, the exhibitionist and two buddies left in a burgundy Jeep. Our Butthead ought to change his ways, though. Someday, he’s going to moon someone, such as mild-mannered (ha!) Spokane Police Chief Terry Mangan, and have to run for his life.

Politics indeed make for strange bedfellows

Something’s definitely weird when lefty Clintonistas in the U.S. House of Representatives are defending police and deadly force while righty Newtistas are backing the civil rights of whacked-out cultists. This is like Madalyn Murray O’Hair embracing the religious right. And vice versa. Yeah, yeah, I know the politics involved, but that doesn’t make the Waco hearings on C-SPAN any less strange. I wonder how the donkeys and elephants would choose up sides if the federales had attacked a compound of gun-toting ecoterrorists instead.

, DataTimes MEMO: “Hot Potatoes” is a feature of the Tuesday and Thursday Opinion pages.