June 1, 1995 in Features

The Slice Baste, Then Bake In A Lawn Chair

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Some sunbathers are modest.

They conduct their personal campaigns to ruin their skin in private. But others do it in their front yards or some other place where, if you happen to be walking by, you can’t help but notice.

Yes, of course, certain sunbathers very much want you to notice. But that’s another matter.

Our subject today is this: When encountering someone working on his or her tan, what are you supposed to do or say?

Oh sure, ignoring the person is an option. But isn’t that turning your back on your responsibility as a social critic? Don’t you owe it to society to voice your opinion every time a halfformed thought pops into your head? Isn’t that the American way?

Sure. But it’s June. And you’re probably busy trying to figure out how you can manage to take a vacation without the people at work discovering that you don’t actually do anything productive.

So we’ve come up with a list of remarks guaranteed to help you cope with encountering people in swimsuits. Feel free to borrow.

“Ever hear of skin cancer?”

“How do you spell ‘shallow’?”

“That’s gonna hurt.”

“What’re you using, Crisco?”

“Doing it all in one day, huh?”

“Hey, if you don’t have an attractive personality - go for it.”

“What’s that smell?”

“Let’s hear your giggle.”

“Two words: boot leather.”

“Not near open food, please.”

And, of course, “Missed a spot.”

Do you have what it takes to be a manager: “When people stare at you in disbelief, do you repeat what you just said, only louder and slower?” - Dilbert creator Scott Adams, in The Wall Street Journal

Besides Fairchild Air Force Base: Where is the best place in the Inland Northwest to see a decent variety of out-of-state license plates?

Warm-up question from Bonners Ferry’s Walt Aring: Why do you choose to not live in Spokane?

Today’s Slice question: What objects have members of your family gotten stuck in ear canals?

, DataTimes MEMO: The Slice appears Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098.

The Slice appears Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098.


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