Let’s Start A Fresh List Of Generalizations

Spokane needs a new set of stupid generalizations.

The old ones, in addition to being inherently inaccurate, have gotten stale. So we offer a few replacements: In Spokane, the only movies people go see are art-house flicks.

In Spokane, people measure your success by the size of your deck.

In Spokane, childless couples are hailed for helping the environment.

And in Spokane, “You get what you pay for” is the guiding motto.

A theory: If sweet corn was available all year, oral health would improve because of all the flossing.

What’s next: Street-hockeyfest? Wiffleballfest? Espressofest?

Alternatives to cussing: According to his son, the late Chester Palmer used to say “dirty cockroach.”

Other readers said snarling “firetruck” or “Sacramento, California” does the job.

And Neil Lindsey said the best alternative is duct tape.

Zero tolerance: If The Slice ran a business, we would nuke employees who took up choice parking spots.

Slice answer: A Spokane mom said the problem with summer’s long hours of daylight is that her kids refuse to believe it’s bedtime.

Say a prayer: Earlier this week, in a Spokane convenience store parking lot, we were treated to the sight and sounds of a man in the passenger seat of a parked car screaming at the woman behind the wheel. It was an astonishingly brutal verbal attack. While yelling, he pounded the dashboard.

And though it has been several days, we can’t stop thinking about the two kids in the back seat of that car.

Just wondering: How many people fake their way through meetings by doodling on legal pads and occasionally grunting?

Warm-up question from Jessie Bekken: What’s the best use for old TV remote controls?

Today’s Slice question: What’s the most unusual thing you’ve seen on a Spokane area golf course that had nothing to do with golf?

, DataTimes MEMO: The Slice appears Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098.