… And All The World’s A Stage

SCENE 1: Portland, 1977. Roger Welch, a fat boy about 10, stands alone center stage, listening to an imaginary crowd’s laughter in the background. He obviously enjoys the moment.

ROGER: I make people laugh before they can laugh at me. Mom makes me do impressions of John Wayne for my grandmother. (an embarrassed giggle) I do Butterfly McQueen. I played Santa Claus in kindergarten. I can’t find anything else that’s so much fun.

WOMAN’S VOICE: (calling) Roger! Are you doing plays in the basement again? Your Grandma’s here. Roger cocks his head, runs off stage.

SCENE 2: Portland, 1986. An older, slimmer Roger faces the director from the Coeur d’Alene Summer Theatre. Roger is chagrined following a poor audition.

ROGER: I’ve never sung off-key before. I’ve been in community theater, college plays. Give me another chance. I’ve got to perform in Coeur d’Alene.

DIRECTOR: Why?

ROGER: (hesitating) I don’t know. I’ve never been there. I think I like the theater season you’ve planned - “West Side Story,” “A Chorus Line.” (suddenly pleading) Watch me in “A Chorus Line” at Mount Hood Community College next month. You’ll see I can act.

SCENE 3: Coeur d’Alene, summer 1986. Roger, carrying a backpack, enters a small church remodeled into a theater. Inside, the director awaits.

DIRECTOR: We pay $75 a week and give you a place to sleep. (he fades into darkness)

ROGER: (to audience) The Pit - that’s what they call where we sleep. But I don’t care. This is the most amazing summer of my life, my first professional job. Paid to act with incredible people in a great place. Someday I’m going to run this company.

FINALE: Coeur d’Alene, 1995. Roger is 28, with wirerimmed glasses, a neatly trimmed mustache and beard, Bohemian attire. His chair says Coeur d’Alene Summer Theatre ARTISTIC DIRECTOR.

ROGER: (reflectively) I made it. Four years on stage, two working with children, a cable TV movie and now this (he spreads his arms wide to take in the whole stage). I love this town, this company. It’s special, like a pretend place.

I don’t make a lot of money, but I have everything I want. Now I want to make a difference, turn Coeur d’Alene into the musical theater capital of the Northwest. We can do it. Theater’s getting big here. And I still haven’t found anything that’s more fun.

Curtain closes to thunderous applause.

Winning kids

Kids with epilepsy, here’s your chance to shine. The Epilepsy League of Idaho is searching for its Winning Kid for the year. The league honors children with epilepsy who have overcome difficulties or succeeded in a special activity.

Last year’s winner, Kristin Stanghill, is a 9-year-old from Wallace. She flew to Boise to meet the governor and represented the league at various events.

The league wants children between ages 6 and 10. Call 765-9443 for details.

How boss

Bonners Ferry attorney Peter B. Wilson’s phalanx of secretaries say Peter is the best boss in the Panhandle. To back up that claim, they sent the following: “PETER patient, energetic, teasing, exceptional, radical.” There’s more, but we’ll stop at his middle initial: B for bullheaded. Hope he admires honesty…

Designer buildings

Look at the new buildings around you. The North Idaho Section of the American Institute of Architects (whew) will honor local work based on your opinions. Vote at the Silver Lake Mall March 29 through April 2. I know which building I’m voting for and it has nothing to do with my paycheck - honest.

Send your building favorites to “Close to Home,” 608 Northwest Blvd., Suite 200, Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, 83814; fax them to 765-7149; or call 765-7128.