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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Bottom Lines Columnist Jim Kersher’s Take On The News

The new, touchy-feely V-J Day

The Clinton Administration says there is no ban on the term “V-J Day.” However, it now means “Validating the feelings of Japan.”

Are you sure the clock didn’t stop in ‘74?

The clock has stopped in the Clock Tower. The people who opposed the Pacific Science Center ought to be happy. Time is finally standing still in Riverfront Park.

Hey, buddy, want to buy some iceberg?

Produce prices have skyrocketed due to the floods in California. Pretty soon, gangs will be dealing illicit lettuce on the street.

They’ll make wonderful neighbors

Can you believe this weird Aum Shinri Kyo cult in Japan? I keep waiting for them to announce they’ve bought property in North Idaho.

Colin Ferguson, ace defense attorney

What a surprise. Colin Ferguson, the guy who shot six people and wounded 19 on the Long Island Rail Road, was convicted and sentenced to 200 years. This, despite his own clever defense strategy: Harangue the wounded victims in court.

Oh, you mean, THOSE 31 holdups

Speaking of bright defendants, the Bad-tooth Bandit pleaded guilty to 31 holdups this week. This, despite his original claim that he couldn’t have done it: His teeth were nowhere near bad enough.

There’s nothing like a big, juicy Watercress Whopper

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of being nagged at by the Center for Science in the Public Interest. I’m going out today to buy me a big, greasy bag of Tuna-Salad-Flavored Movie Popcorn.

What are the Republicans thinking?

I don’t understand the strategy behind this line-item veto. Why would the Republicans want to give so much power to a sitting Democratic president, especially one who can serve another six years if he wins the next … oh, I get it. Never mind.

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