Soaps Offer Perfect Diversions From Life
My wife has one vice. Before midnight, she liberates herself from law books to squeeze in videotaped episodes of “All My Children” and “One Life to Live.”
I keep telling Melinda that soap operas are beneath her, that a top-ranked law student doesn’t have time for Danielle Steel talkies.
Torts, tax and constitutional law shouldn’t share the stage with daytime dalliances better named “As My Stomach Turns,” “One Wife to Give” and “Genital Hospital.”
The problem is: I’ve bad-mouthed soaps for six years from the same perch - next to my wife in front of the TV set.
I’ve seen Erica Kane melt into Dimitri Marick’s arms, only to stab him with a letter-opener for believing he had seduced her daughter, only to reunite with him in re-matrimony.
I was there when a crowbar-wielding Janet “From Another Planet” Green permanently dropped that scumbag Will Cortlandt with one shot to the melon, only to be paroled after agreeing to a face lift in some bizarre jailhouse medical experiment.
I watched sullen-faced as Sloan Carpenter succumbed to cancer and his wife, Victoria Lord, regressed into five - or is it six? - personalities.
Hi, my name is Todd … and I’m a soap addict, no better than one of those shadowy adults hooked on a kid’s cereal hawked by a tiger.
My hypocrisy was revealed recently while watching the veteran Victoria - “Viki” to us fans - portray a sexually abused child. Quite a stretch, since Viki’s been on TV longer than color.
“What an actress,” I declared. “Surprised Hollywood hasn’t been beating her door down.”
My wife, peeking over her reading and soap-viewing glasses, rolled her eyes. “I thought you said soaps suck.”
My cover blown, allow me to ascend a soapbox.
Compared with prime-time shows laden with bimbos and vacuous surfers, soaps have brilliant storylines. Seen “Baywatch”?
Soap sex usually is insinuated. Seen “Melrose Place”?
Soap violence generally is bloodless (Noah Keefer’s drive-by shooting aside). Seen “Murder She Wrote”?
Soaps also are the perfect therapeutic diversions for two-career spouses.
Besides, when a man really loves a woman, he knows when to give up the remote control, especially for a good yarn.
xxxx Pro soap operas Compared with prime time, soaps have a lot going for them
For opposing view see headline: Soaps help erode important values
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