Newts Just Can’t Blend Into Their Background
Loony letter writer Lazlo Toth - aka comedian Don Novello (aka Father Guido Sarducci) - is at it again.
“Citizen Lazlo” awaits a reply to his recent correspondence with House Speaker Newt Gingrich, which read in part:
“I, too, had a great 100 days … I didn’t do anything fancy, like not voting in term limits, but I got a little bird-watching in, I did a little fertilizing, I put about a hundred miles on my rake, and I painted my house.
“The house painting took up almost the whole 100 days because of all the rain and because I painted it camouflage, and it’s a lot harder than just slapping the paint on.
“But it was worth it. The house came out looking great. From down the hill you can hardly see it.”
Loose talk
Suzy Bogguss, spotting President Clinton in the front row at a “Women of Country Music” concert at the White House: “Gee, I might accidentally spit on you or something. I hope I don’t do that.”
We hear he was next in line for the O.J. trial
Judge Reinhold turns 38 today.
But congressional terms only last two years
Elaina Newport of the Capitol Steps political satire troupe, on entertaining the O.J. jury: “We were really worried. These were people who were selected because they hadn’t read the news. They’re sequestered and cut off from the real world. But then again, we perform for Congress all the time.”
Aha! So she’s admitting it’s a railroad job
Attorney General Janet Reno confesses that she hasn’t watched a single second of the Simpson circus. So what could be more important? “Adults should read more children’s books,” Reno says in USA Weekend magazine. “I always loved ‘The Little Engine That Could.”’
Hopefully, his mouth is all he’ll shoot off
Conservative gadfly G. Gordon Liddy has been awarded the coveted Freedom of Speech Award by the National Association of Talk Show Hosts. Said a spokesman: “The issue here is not a judgment of his opinions, but rather a show of support for his right to express them.”
Guess you could say he was cast against type
Actor Michael Moriarty, who played a prosecutor in NBC’s “Law & Order,” told “American Journal” he’s so fed up with our “burgeoning fascist state” that he’s moving to Canada. Said Moriarty: “I think the Michigan militia are doing the only thing they can do to tell the government how serious they are.”
Isn’t betrayal what the business is all about?
Self-proclaimed presidential paramour Gennifer Flowers says in her book “Passion and Betrayal” that becoming a television reporter wasn’t hard at all. “I just had to learn how to encapsulate stories in a 30-second slot, complete with a witty opening and a catchy ending,” she said. “But that didn’t intimidate me.”
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Rick Bonino