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This Reflects Relationship Growth

Thu., Nov. 2, 1995

This column is intended as entertainment. But psychologists who work with clients’ dreams say that dreams can hold a tremendous amount of significance; a particularly disturbing or repetitive dream may indicate the need to see a therapist.

Dear Nancy: This is an incubated dream. I asked, “What would happen if my lover of six years and I stayed together?” We are in the process of learning to communicate more honestly with each other. This dream was striking but I don’t know what it means. - Kay

I am visiting a friend who just gave birth to a baby girl. I am holding the baby and she is very beautiful. I feel very close to her. She begins talking like an adult and says, “I’m hungry.”

The way she says it, I know she doesn’t think her mom is taking very good care of her. I say, “I can feed you,” and give her a bottle.

She drinks contentedly and then asks, “What’s for dinner?” I can tell she wants a large, multi-course meal. I explain to her that she was just born and will be eating only milk for a while until her digestive system is developed enough for adult food. She looks shocked and highly disappointed. She is upset and I feel terrible telling her this.

I suddenly realize that I am in an incredible position talking to a newborn, and I ask, “What is it like to be born?” The baby thinks for a couple of seconds and says, “Humbling.”

Dear Kay: Dream incubation is an excellent tool to use when pondering questions such as yours. This dream touched me on many different levels, but let’s look at it from the aspect of your question about your relationship.

The baby was just born and you indicated to me on the phone that your relationship with your boyfriend has just moved to a new level. There is a sense of incredible potential here in this new birth.

I would suggest that this “new level” of relating is symbolized by the new baby. She has the body of a newborn but the knowledge and appetite of an adult. She is hungry for real food and it is a positive sign that she is willing to ask for it.

This depicts your new way of honest and forthright communication within the relationship, asking for what you need and what you want.

This new way of relating needs to be fed but it also needs to develop and grow at a pace that is suitable and nonthreatening. You need to feed it the simpler foods until it develops to the point that the relationship can really digest and embrace the full meal. This is hinting that this new way of relating will take time, that it’s not going to happen overnight, and it will need to be nurtured and tended carefully.

You reach near lucidity (the state when you realize you are dreaming) when you realize you are in an amazing position and can ask the question: “What’s it like to be born?” The baby’s answer, “Humbling,” has within it an incredible gift.

To be humble is to let go of all expectations and pretensions. To be humble is to be your true self, simple and unassuming. It is in this humble state that your relationship can flourish and grow.

What a powerful dream, Kay. It shows the beginnings of a rich and nourishing time ahead.

xxxx



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