Cheap Seats

Hmmm. That there ball looks familiar

Hackers at Lancaster (S.C.) Golf Course get a kick out of watching their balls disappear in the woods - only if it’s the work of a neighborly red fox dubbed Red.

“I’ve seen her run 20 feet into the woods and bury it in there,” course manager Wayne Ogden said.

Red is often spotted between the 14th and 17th holes, sometimes with her two cubs. She likes to hide near tee boxes or sand traps, golfers say. When a ball comes to a stop, Red darts from her post, picks it up in her mouth and runs for the woods.

Despite the fun, there’s concern she might get rabies and turn on humans. Ogden said the state Natural Resources Department advised him to shoot Red.

“But I just couldn’t do it,” Ogden said.

That’s because Ogden probably digs up those balls for resale in the pro shop.

He’ll need more than 43 percent of the vote

Racing legend Richard Petty is looking to overtake North Carolina Secretary of State Rufus Edmisten.

Petty has sent out a fundraising letter to supporters asking them to help finance his campaign.

The retired stock car king has been active in Republican politics and at one time was considering a bid for governor.

“Something needs to be done to bring the average person back into our state’s and nation’s political affairs,” Petty wrote in the letter. “Something needs to be done to restore the average person’s faith in our government and our democracy.”

That’s all we need - another petty politician.

That never stopped the Flintstones

Aussie officials decided it’s time for the Australian Formula One Grand Prix to be a part of the 2000 Olympic Games, to be held in Sydney. “I firmly believe the time has come for Formula One motor racing to be admitted to the Olympic family,” proclaimed Ron Walker, Grand Prix Corporation chairman.

There’s one minor problem: The Olympic charter does not allow events in which performance depends on mechanical propulsion.

Sign him up for Social Security

A 66-year-old obstetrician planned on running Sunday’s New York Marathon with his 67-year-old wife. But Abraham Lakshin’s arthritis ached so much that he could not run. On Saturday, however, he came across several runners. All but one were entered. The exception, Gerhart Klein, desperately wanted to run.

So Lakshin offered his number; Klein, 25, jumped at the chance. “Let me know how you do,” Lakshin said.

Mrs. Lakshin finished 23,445th, needing more than 5 hours. Her husband had intended to run with her.

When Mr. Lakshin awakened Monday, there was a note under the door from a grateful Klein: “I am very satisfied. Thank you. … My time was 2:59:34.”

Lakshin was aghast. The results showed that “Lakshin, A, 66M” had run the third-fastest marathon ever by a 66-year-old American. He immediately telephoned race officials, and told the whole story.

“I feel so bad,” he said. “I didn’t want to deprive anybody of a prize. I told them, ‘Even if you won’t have me anymore, I’ll understand.’ I feel terrible.”

The last word …

“The Bruins defense treated the Huskies like environmentalists treat an endangered species.”

- Michael Ventre, Los Angeles Daily News, after watching Washington beat UCLA on Saturday

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo