Young Man Discovers Joy, Freedom Of Love Without Sex
A 30-minute telephone call quietly ended a three-year relationship. As I hung up the phone, I was left to ponder the memories of those years we spent together. Years spent laughing, walking, camping, milkshake making, family reunioning and basketball playing. Years spent crying, praying and loving.
Those were grand times, but I wasn’t sad it was over. Instead, I was joyful. Explaining my joy to friends wasn’t an easy task.
One friend asked: “How can you feel this way? You should be crushed.” My answer? Purity.
I’m not talking about a 12-step chastity belt program or a Wink and Smile Support Group. Just purity. Loving pure. Being pure.
Purity is not an often broadcast notion these days. To most, it seems an archaic idea. In the days of MTV and cyber-sex, purity is all but abandoned. Still, the virtue found least in the world was what made this relationship the best I’d ever had. I loved her so much that I didn’t want to take anything from her that didn’t belong to me. She meant more to me than a fleeting moment, a physical sensation or sexual favor. I just wanted to love her with my life. With my honor. With my virtue.
That is what being a real man is about.
The best part of remaining pure is the freedom it brings. Trust was never in question. I never felt jealous. We felt completely at ease alone or with groups of people. She never had to worry about me taking advantage of her. I didn’t have to worry about her betraying me for another.
But I learned this stuff the hard way. I served my time in a high school relationship full of lust, making out, hiding from parents, all that push-itto-the-limit-business. I paid $6 to see movies that I never really watched. I was more interested in the back-row entertainment. But after the climactic rush had passed, I was left with emptiness. I remain scarred, but a steadfast commitment to purity healed the wounds.
I would like to reassure other young people that relationships don’t have to be carbon copies of what the world portrays in shows such as “Melrose Place.” You can set limits early on and respect those limits.
The purity of our relationship was worth it. And it might make the much-muttered post-dating phrase, “just friends” actually become a reality for us.
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