Marriage Preparation Really Pays Off

In the 14 years I’ve been writing this column, not one religious denomination has ever suggested what might be done to strengthen marriage - until last week, when both the National Conference of Catholic Bishops and the South Carolina Baptist Convention did so.

Cardinal William Keeler, as NCCB president, urged 275 Catholic bishops to work with other denominations to strengthen the family by putting in place “solid marriage-preparation programs that increase the likelihood of successful marriages and decrease the rate of failure.”

This is a direct endorsement of the “Community Marriage Policies” that have been adopted by at least 36 cities over the last decade.

In January 1986, in Modesto, Calif., 95 pastors from 20 denominations signed such a policy with the stated goal of “radically reducing the divorce rate.”

Specifically, clergy agreed to require that engaged couples undergo four months of marriage preparation that includes taking a premarital inventory with “a mature married couple” as mentors, studying Scripture on morality, marriage and divorce, and attending an engagement seminar.

A decade later, Modesto’s divorces have fallen 15 percent compared to 1986 while the area’s population has grown 36 percent. Churches are saving nearly 1,000 marriages a year.

How is such a dramatic impact possible?

Last week Des Moines Bishop Joseph Charron told his fellow bishops the “good news” about a Creighton University study titled “Marriage Preparation in the Catholic Church: Getting it Right.”

The 1,235 couples in the study took a premarital inventory between 1987-1993 called FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication Understanding and Study).

“Two-thirds of the couples found it to be valuable for their married life. A majority had a good marital adjustment,” Charron said.

Only a “very small percentage, well below the national average,” were separated or divorced.

“We can’t claim that marriage preparation alone explains these facts,” Charron said. “But it is logical to assume that marriage preparation played a part strengthening these marriages.”

The bottom line, he said, is that “The church’s effort to prepare couples for marriage is on the right track. Though it is mandatory, that does not seem to be a problem.”

The report found that the “intensity of a marriage preparation program contributed importantly to its perceived value.”

The least valuable approach was a single session with a pastor. The most valuable courses had eight or nine sessions and involved private sessions with mentor couples with solid marriages as well as clergy - or an Engaged Encounter weekend retreat with a group of couples.

The most important content areas covered involved the most central 5 Cs of marriage: communication, commitment, conflict resolution, children and church (the role of religion and values).

From the start of marriage prep till their wedding, 78 percent of couples took 5 to 19 months. Some 3.6 percent broke the engagement, but only 3.8 percent were divorced or separated after one to eight years.

Thus, a rigorous approach produces results.

But it is too rare among Protestant and Catholic churches. A recent study of an East Coast Catholic diocese with 140 parishes found that only 60 used a premarital inventory.

Among Protestant churches, less than a tenth do so.

Virtually none have mentor couples helping the engaged.

However, there is a new openness to do so. Last week the South Carolina Baptist Convention passed a resolution declaring “the year 1996 shall be proclaimed as the ‘Year of the Marriage Saver.”’

All South Carolina Baptist churches were urged to take “a proactive role in preparing couples for marriage, strengthening all marriages, saving struggling marriages and building strong families in our churches.”

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