Whatever you do, don’t turn the kitchen over to a kindergartner today.
Given the opportunity, some local tykes would cook up some pretty oddball Thanksgiving dinners, such as Turkey a la Cheerios, 9-minute Shaved Turkey or perhaps the Billion Hot Turkey.
These concoctions were among a couple of dozen recipes conjured up by Teresa Buddington’s kindergarten class at Brentwood Elementary School in Mead.
Michael Scroggie, executive chef at Patsy Clark’s restaurant, took time out from planning a rather traditional Thanksgiving meal (roasted turkey, gingered sweet potatoes, butternut squash soup, and so on) to evaluate a few of the more creative amateur recipes Wednesday.
“I already have my menu written, unfortunately,” said the gourmet professional chef. “Otherwise I’d steal some for sure.”
Cooks tired of their traditional recipes, or simply at a culinary loss, might want to consider a few of these selections:
From Lindsay Labenne: “Get your turkey from the barn. Take the feathers off and the beak off and the eyeballs out. You have to take the wattle off. Now you cook it on the stove for six seconds.”
Scroggie’s only objection to this recipe, aside from the raw flesh, is the presentation.
“I would leave the wattle on,” he said. “That would make it more interesting.”
Christopher Cummens also prefers rare turkey meat: “Go out and buy a turkey. Come home and shave off the feathers. Just put the turkey in the oven. You cook it for nine minutes.”
Vanessa Alberts likes hers well-done: “Put it in the oven. It should be about 430 degrees and you cook it 40 hours. Put a little oil on it every five minutes.”
While eating the results of this scorched affair, have plenty of liquid on hand to wash it down, because, as Scroggie warned, “You’d have a very dry turkey.”
The same may go for a turkey cooked by Crosby Hook: “You have to be strong and tough to find your turkey….The oven is supposed to be a billion hot. You cook it until your son gets off a happy face and gets a hungry face. Your dog can eat with you.”
Scroggie approved of letting the dog in on the Thanksgiving ritual.
“I like the idea of having your pet involved in the meal,” he said. “They shouldn’t be left out.”
From Larissa Prestley: “Cook your turkey a long time in a pan. Then you cut it and decorate it. Eat it with Cheerios and frosting and cinnamon grahams.”
This recipe got high marks from Scroggie for its seasonal flair.
“I like the cinnamon grahams. That’s a holiday spice,” he said.
Several children remembered that the holiday meal of turkey and all the trimmings is intertwined with the whole idea of giving thanks for life’s blessings.
Callie Driehorst reduced the entire process into this no-nonsense summary: “First you kill the turkey. Then you put it in the oven. Then you cook it and then you put it on the table. You can eat it and then you say grace.”