At This Rate, Shula The Younger Will Pass Shula The Older In 2069

Don Shula is the winningest coach in NFL history. Dave Shula has the worst winning percentage of any coach in NFL history (minimum 50 games). Is the Team Shula playbook half-full or half-empty?

Frankly, the Menendez brothers might have a brighter future.

When Don Shula looks in the bathroom mirror every morning, he probably sees Jimmy Johnson. And when Dave Shula looks into the bathroom mirror every morning, he probably sees Peter Fonda.

The natives - or transplanted retirees, as the case may be - are getting restless in Miami and Cincinnati.

Public opinion in south Florida has swayed against Shula the Elder, who has two losing seasons in 25 years there. In one recent survey, nearly 110 percent of respondents indicated they wanted Johnson to replace Shula. In another poll, Shula’s approval rating dropped below that of Anita Bryant and Flipper.

In Cincinnati, Shula the Younger’s approval rating has fallen below sleet but remains above sludge.

Both have watched their teams collapse embarrassingly at times this season. Last month, the Dolphins led the Colts by 24-3 in the third quarter and lost, 27-24. Last week, the Bengals led the Steelers by 31-13 in the third quarter and lost, 49-31.

Footnote: If both continue to coach indefinitely, current projections show that Shula the Younger (15-44) will surpass Shula the Elder (344-170-6) in career defeats in 2013. Meanwhile, even if Shula the Elder were to retire after this season, at his current pace Shula the Younger would not surpass his dad in victories until 2069, likely against the Jets.

This weekend, Miami is favored by two points at Indianapolis, Cincinnati is favored by three at Jacksonville. I will make one final, sentimental stand for the Shulas - basically for the sake of the father - and take the favorites. But if neither Don nor Dave can cover the spread, I’m switching allegiance Monday to Martin and Charlie Sheen.

Belated rap on the knuckles … to the CFL

I noticed that the Baltimore Stallions won the Grey Cup last week. When did the CFL become a USA thing? Hey, CFL we stay out of Canada, you should stay out of America. And, if it’s any extra incentive to you, you can take back hockey.

Officiating note

Jake O’Donnell, idled by NBA referees strike, freelanced at Steelers-Bengals game last week and called “loose ball foul” on LB Greg Lloyd.

As always, the following picks should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager:

Panthers at Saints (-4-1/2)

Through a combination of sharp player evaluation, excellent third-down management, an improved high-fiber diet and the fact that a lot of NFL teams are stinking up the joint lately, Carolina - yes, that’s expansion Carolina - has the best record (5-1) in the NFC over the last six weeks. It’s an actual fact, Jack. Pick: Saints.

Steelers (-5-1/2) at Browns

On Steelers’ team flight to Cincinnati, versatile Kordell Stewart not only sat in aisle and window seats, but also ordered coffee, tea and milk… . Following government lead, Browns coaching staff now designated “non-essential employees.” Pick: Steelers.

Jets at Seahawks (-6-1/2)

Jets’ season is going so badly, coach Rich Kotite’s weekly TV show has been replaced by Soloflex. … Thanks to that Beatles special on ABC, Jets CB Aaron Glenn was not the slowest thing on TV last Sunday. Pick: Seahawks.

Broncos (-3-1/2) at Oilers

Due to mixup between two-point chart and eye chart, when Houston scored touchdown to cut Chiefs’ lead to 10-6 Sunday night and coach Jeff Fisher was asked what to do on conversion, he shouted out, “E P K O F C.” Pick: Oilers.

Eagles (-3) at Redskins

Confucius say: If gears clash, time to shift to new speed. Frankly, I don’t think the wily philosopher meant this to apply to quarterback switches, but the Redskins will go with Heath Shuler anyway. Pick: Eagles.

Falcons (-3-1/2) at Cardinals

Curious sight at Clemson Memorial Stadium last week: In fourth quarter, yellow police tape was placed around Cardinals’ offensive huddle. Pick: Falcons.

Raiders (-3) at Chargers

“Monday Night Football” note: Someday, Dan Dierdorf’s mustache will completely cover his mouth. And, you know, that might not be such a bad thing. Pick: Chargers.

Patriots at Bills (-6)

Spurred on by new “Beatles Anthology,” Buffalo coach Marv Levy has installed plays from the “Lou Saban Anthology.” Pick: Bills.

Bears (-2) at Giants

Giants coach Dan Reeves wants more “input.” Just give him the damn clicker during Tuesday film sessions, for crying out loud. Pick: Bears.

Rams at 49ers (-14)

In ultimate test of 49ers’ system, coach George Seifert will start department store mannequin at quarterback this week. Pick: Rams.

Buccaneers at Packers (-8-1/2)

Tampa Bay: Today, 6-5. Tomorrow, 6-10. Pick: Packers.

Last week: 7-8. Season record: 75-81-7.