The Hot Seat A Weekly Look At People In The News

Watch for it in the next Olympics

The mad scientists are at it again. They’ve genetically designed turkeys whose breasts grow so big their spindly legs can’t support them. They roll around the turkey farm gobbling and squawking. We were perplexed over this plump problem until one veteran Hot Seat wag suggested the obvious solution. We’ll buy all the too-fat fowl and start a new sport: Turkey bowling! Interested investors call 459-5405.

Turkey or Congressmen. How can you tell the difference?

Consider the similarities between the genetically altered turkeys and conservatives in the Washington state House of Representatives. This breed of politician is genetically engineered to police our morals and define our freedoms. Elected with a mandate to reduce the size of government they are ready to push for new laws that will increase government oversight in our living rooms, bedrooms and anywhere else they think morality may be in danger. And like the genetically engineered turkeys their puffed-up chests may be getting to big for their wobbly legs.

There must be something in the water

If a city ever deserved a break, it’s Sandpoint. And they almost succeeded with their community Christmas tree. It sounded so good. The grand fir was donated by a long-time resident. The Chamber organized volunteers and bought new ornaments. GTE crews set the tree and strung the lights. Then David Pence, owner of Coldwater Creek, ordered the tree removed just after it had been decorated. He said it blocked the view of his store. “I know we look like the Grinch that stole Christmas but we’re trying to get one (a tree) back up that everyone will be happy with,” Pence said. “Everyone” but him was happy with the first tree. But he is half right. He does look like the Grinch.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 3 Photos

MEMO: The Hot Seat is an irreverent look at controversial issues in the news. The views expressed are those of the writer. Today’s Hot Seat was written by Scott Sines.