Cheap Seats

Delay of game, or just another holdup?

The Washington Bullets recently announced the NBA team will be changing its nickname because of its connotation to street violence. Fans have been asked to make suggestions for a new name by submitting ideas at a regional restaurant chain.

If fans fail to produce a worthy alternative, Bullets management can always consult Los Angeles Times writer Thomas Bonk, who suggests the team call itself the Washington Monuments, “perfect for team of slow-footed players.”

Leave a message after the (sarcastic) tone

It’s safe to assume New York Post columnist Peter Vecsey doesn’t long for Pat Riley, who left the Knicks to coach Miami. When Heat center Alonzo Mourning furthered the theory that players listen to Riley because “he has four rings,” Vecsey sniped, “Big deal. So does my answering machine.”

While the New York media can do without Riles, the Charlotte Hornets clearly miss Mourning, who they recently dealt to Miami after a bitter contract dispute.

Before the advent of the luxury-box age, Hornets owner George Shinn and president Spencer Stolpen reckoned their always-full, 24,000-seat cash cow made them the new elite, one reason they gave Larry Johnson an $84 million extension a couple years back.

So it was poetic justice when Mourning’s agent used LJ’s contract as a starting point and, by the end of negotiations, nearly doubled it - forcing Charlotte to break apart it’s young team by trading Zo.

Notes Hornets refugee Frank Brickowski, saved by Seattle: “Any successful team has a good basketball mind running it. Spencer doesn’t know anything about basketball. But if you need to know where to eat, he can show you a good restaurant.”

When Spencer dines out, he asks the waiters for tips.

Rockets could use a dress code

You aren’t the only one who cringed upon seeing the Houston Rockets’ new blue and silver unis, complete with pinstripes and blastoffs.

Houston forward Robert Horry was opposed to the change and not afraid to say so, imploring management to let the team receive its championship rings in the old red-and-gold duds in which they won their back-to-back titles.

“I don’t like them,” Horry harped. “I’m not going to sit here and be on the owners’ side or anything. You got rockets shooting at you, you got numbers on the front, numbers on the back, logos here. It’s too much like they’re trying to attract business.”

Hakeem Olajuwon took the company line, if only briefly. “I like them,” the Dream claimed, “but we look like an expansion team.”

Are you ready for some false advertising?

One of the commercials over ABC ran during the weekend to promote Monday night’s Raiders-Chargers game was built on highlights of Jeff Hostetler and Natrone Means - both of whom missed the game with injuries.

The last word …

“I’ve been doing this for 12 years. What makes you think you can call traveling?”

- Charles Barkley, questioning replacement refs after being whistled for walking five times in a single game

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo