Dave Doesn’t Want To Be A Male Elizabeth Taylor

David Letterman doesn’t have a whole lot to be happy about these days, considering that he continues to trail “Tonight” host Jay Leno in the late-night ratings.

And, of course, he’s still living down his embarrassing stint as host of last year’s Oscar telecast. Even so, he sure is upbeat in a recent Entertainment Weekly cover story - except about his feelings on marriage.

When asked whether he was still living with Regina Lasko, a member of his production staff, Letterman, 48, said, “Yes, yes, yes. Although we might want to call the house and see how that’s going.”

The problem? “There seems lately to be a discussion going that, well, somebody wants to get married,” Letterman said. “Every now and then, somebody would like to be married. No, it doesn’t seem to be me.”

Loose talk

Melissa Etheridge on her sexual awakening: “It wasn’t until my 17th birthday that I kissed a girl and went ‘Whoa!”’

And his cake, no doubt, will be colored blue

Vin Scully turns 68 today.

They’re coming to take him away ha-ha, ho-ho, hee-hee

Speaking of David Letterman (see lead item at left), here is the late-night guy on his experiences in therapy. “I thoroughly believe in it, because you vent everything that’s troubling you, and it feels great,” he told Entertainment Weekly. “You can tell by the way the (psychologist) looks at you whether he thinks you’re nuts, and if he’s not lookin’ at you too squirrelly, you think, ‘Man, I guess I’m not as bad off as I thought.”’

She’s Kathie Lee with just a tad more makeup

Tammy Faye Messner, once married to fallen televangelist Jim Bakker, is co-hosting a - what else? - syndicated talk show with Jim J. Bullock. It’s called “The Jim J. and Tammy Faye Show” and is a one-hour, non-religious mix of fashion, celebrities and cooking.

We’re waiting for the opening of the O.J. memorial library

Q. How many books have been written about the O.J. Simpson trial? A. Some 36 to date and at least four others are due from such writers as Joe McGinniss, Jeffrey Toobin, Joseph Bosco and Dominick Dunne. That doesn’t include the various lawyers, judges and O.J. himself.

And we hear he’s looking for a newspaper to buy

During his two terms in office, ex-Maryland governor William Donald Schaefer would greet male reporters by saying, “Good morning, girls.” He would deliberately mispronounce names and once pointed an unloaded gun at a journalist. Now the ex-pol is teaching a class on public policy at the University of Maryland journalism school.

Rolling in Jujyfruits? Alllllll righty, then!

Director Steve Oedekerk said this about his directorial debut, “Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls”: “As long as people are laughing so hard that their tongues are shooting out of their noses and they are rolling on the floor with their Jujyfruits, I’m completely content.”

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 Color photos

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Dan Webster