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So maybe he’s no Ralph Kiner. But when it comes to mangling language and logic, Cleveland broadcaster Herb Score hits second in the order. In his book “The Curse of Rocky Colavito,” Terry Pluto recalled some of the best of the worst of Score:
- “There’s a two-hopper to (Duane) Kuiper, who fields it on the first bounce.”
- “Swing and a miss - called strike three.”
- And then there was this exchange, with Score’s partner Nev Chandler noting that “The base hit makes Cecil Cooper 19 for 42 against the Tribe this year.”
Answered Score, “I’m not good at math, but even I know that is over .500.”
Team player, team colors
The newest Bull, Dennis Rodman, arrived in Chicago this week already decked out in team colors.
Not the uniform, just the colors. Rodman was sporting a brilliant shade of red hair with a Bulls insignia shaved in the back. Completing his ensemble were the usual ear and nose rings and blue finger nails.
“A lot of teams would like to get Dennis Rodman; they love to hate Dennis Rodman,” said Rodman, acquired Monday from San Antonio in a trade for Will Perdue. “Now they’re going to have to love to love him.
“But I don’t expect anybody to come sleep with Dennis Rodman, but as long as they come to the games and pay their tickets and enjoy themselves, that’s what counts.”
Rodman, who already has complained about his $2.5 million contract, hardly seemed impressed with his new situation when interviewed immediately after the trade.
“Chicago is cold as hell,” he told a Los Angeles radio station earlier in the week. “If I decide to go there, it’s not because of Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen or anything like that. That don’t mean nothing. I don’t bow down to any man, whoever they are or what stature they have.”
By Wednesday, he’d softened a bit.
“They got Toni Kukoc, Scottie Pippen and Michael Jordan,” he said. “That’s like a winning team as it is. Then bring somebody like me in, you know, adds a little more cinnamon to the French toast.”
How many Gators does it take…
To screw in a light bulb? You’ll have to buy Paul Finebaum’s book to find out.
The Birmingham sports columnist has put out a series of joke books poking fun at big-time football programs which take themselves very seriously. Each book lists 303 reasons why you should “hate” a particular school - starting with Auburn and Alabama. Those volumes became regional bestsellers and led to books on 21 other schools and the NCAA.
“These are not ‘War and Peace,”’ Finebaum said. “They’re a bunch of silly and stupid jokes. It’s a good gift for someone you don’t want to spend a lot of money on.”
Like, say, Florida coach Steve Spurrier.
“I sent him copies of the Auburn and Alabama books, and he loved them,” Finebaum said. “But when he heard I did one on Florida, he looked like a deer caught in the headlights.”
The last word …
“We’re so close to winning it’s scary. With a break here or there, I can see us winning five of our last six games.”
- Offensive lineman Maurice McGowan of Prairie View A&M, losers of 52 straight games
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo