Much Ado About Ted Turner

Holy Media-Merger-Mania!

Time Warner (master of vast publishing, motion picture, cable, recording and home video operations) wants to swallow Turner Broadcasting System (master of vast publishing, motion picture, cable and video operations).

It would be the world’s biggest media company! It would be the most exciting media marriage ever (sorry, Disney/ABC, you old has-beens)! It would even be the end of Ted Turner’s attempts to buy a network! Billions and billions of dollars involved. Huge egos going nuts. The hype. The thrills. The endless streams of newspaper copy.

And is it “synergy” you want? Well, this one’s got synergy by the bucketloads, friends. Maybe CNN can do a multipart series on the “Batman” movies. Maybe Time magazine can name Ted Turner man of the year again. Maybe Time Warner rappers can launch their own cartoon shows on the Cartoon Network. Naturally, we’re just scratching the surface here, you understand.

But then, of course, there are other ways of looking at this latest, greatest proposed media marriage. Those ways might be this: That it is a desperate ploy by Time Warner to keep up with the Joneses - in this case, the Joneses happen to be Disney/ABC. Or that it is a pathetic, careerending move for perhaps the most interesting media personality of our time.

Or, most important, that the continued conglomeration of major media companies is bad for the institution of journalism (this always seems to get lost in the hype-filled discussion of these mergers).

And while we’re throwing water on this, one last thing: It may not even happen anyway. Turner - even presumably a happily-married-to-Jane-Fonda Ted Turner who has mellowed like a fine piece of cheese - arguably remains the media world’s most truly erratic chap. As someone told the Wall Street Journal, which broke this story Wednesday, “(Ted’s) unpredictable. But for now, this is serious.” Operative words: “for now.”

Now, let’s figure out what’s going on here. Why does Time Warner want to buy TBS (actually a stock-swap transaction is contemplated)? That’s easy. Time Warner’s chief executive, Gerald Levin, is worried that his company will be - God forbid - merely the third or fourth largest worldwide media conglomerate. Yes, if you sense that there’s a playground mentality at work here - “Hey! I’m bigger than you are” - we sensed the same thing.

And what about Turner? Just a week ago, Turner was pleading with Time Warner - which owns an 18 percent stake in his company - to let him buy King World. That way, he could take King World’s cash flow (the company syndicates programs such as “Oprah” and “Jeopardy!”) so that he could pay off his planned purchase of CBS.

And now this? Turner, instead, agrees to allow Time Warner to buy him. Confusing, no? Turner reminds us of some crazy-like-a-Fox battle commander who likes to confuse his adversary completely. And, yes, Turner and Levin have been real adversaries in the past. Levin has rejected so many Turner proposals over the years that he should be nicknamed “Dr. No.”

So what, then, is Ted up to? Here’s one theory: Reese Schonfeld, the founding president of CNN and a longtime Turner ally (now president of cable’s TV Food Network), says, “Back when I was dealing with Ted, the strategy was to let a network (such as NBC or ABC) buy (TBS), which would then give him an enormous ownership position at that network. He’d then end up being the most significant owner and then he’d be in a position to take over that network. We used to refer to it as the Trojan-horse strategy.”

If Time Warner buys TBS, it would then give Turner and his longtime ally, John Malone, chief of giant cable operator Tele-Communications Inc., nearly 20 percent control of the combined company. Would this make them Trojan horses? Only they know for certain.

But really, folks, what does Ted Turner want? In the old days, the answer used to be: “everything.” But these are the new days, and by most accounts, Turner is a happy guy and enjoys life on the ranch with Fonda, raising his buffalo herds. But we should add that most accounts of Turner have often been wrong. Why is this so? As Schonfeld says: “Ted’s walked down the aisle with a lot of people, but he’s never said ‘I do.”’

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