Emmy Awards Far Too Tasteful To Be Truly Enjoyable

Incredible. The global audience for Sunday night’s Emmy telecast on Fox included even viewers in wartorn Croatia.

And they thought Serbs were scary.

There it was, a dummy of NBC Entertainment President Warren Littlefield, catapulted like a flopsy doll onto the stage of the Pasadena Civic Auditorium.

There he was, co-host Jason Alexander of NBC’s “Seinfeld,” patrolling the audience like a daytime talk show host, quizzing some of the nominees, seeming to wing it. It was awkward. Some of it died. But at least it created an aura of unpredictability.

There was Alexander’s co-host, Cybill Shepherd, getting into a scripted food fight. It was crude. It was messy. It was the exception. Unfortunately.

What is this growing tasteful trend?

Produced by Don Mischer, Sunday night’s telecast was entirely too controlled, too cultured, too dignified. The telecast had returned to Fox, the tarty network of “Martin” and “Melrose Place,” which meant it was time to get down and dirty. But what happens? La-de-da-de-da.

The last great Emmy telecast was in 1992 - the year that vulgarity was really valued. The year Roseanne wore feathers, Tom Arnold talked about “kissing a little butt” and Kirstie Alley twisted a mention of “Herman’s Head” into a double-entendre.

What did we get instead Sunday night? Mandy Patinkin of “Chicago Hope” defending the industry’s oft-assailed family values by meekly mentioning that CBS executives “helped me value my family.”

We got Emmy-winning Donald Sutherland of HBO’s “Citizen X” stodgily referring to drama’s “unblinking” look at the “human condition.” We got cast members from CBS’ “The Piano Lesson” performing a scene from the Emmy-nominated play with such artful aplomb that it reeked of … The Stage.

What was this, the Tonys?

Not that the night was a total washout.

Fortunately, Fox began its festivities with a live pre-awards show with Dick Clark and local TV entertainment reporter Sam Rubin that was something to behold. It was one of those wonderfully camp, lots-said, nothing-communicated half hours of glib gab.

“Love to you both, good to see you,” said Rubin to … well, what difference does it make? He and Clark said practically the same thing to everyone they could corner.

It was the kind of show where, at one point,

Rubin conducted an interview without any audio and it didn’t seem to matter. Later, Rubin threw it back to Clark so that he could ask Rubin if he had any parting words.

Of course he did. Love to everyone, and good luck.