Cheap Seats

Ripping off a big gain

You’ve heard of those guarantee games - where Cupcake State gets $200,000 to play Nebraska? Well, Randolph-Macon may be in the market for one.

During the Yellow Jackets’ 28-27 loss at Franklin & Marshall last Saturday, thieves entered the visitors’ locker room through a broken vent above a locked door and stole thousands of dollars worth of jewelry, CD players and cash including the team’s meal money. Losses were estimated at $12,000.

“I can’t say what I want to say about Franklin & Marshall in print,” Randolph-Macon senior Bryan Lewis said. “I’m trying to hold back my bad energy.”

The players still got their post-game meal when coach Joe Riccio charged it on his own credit card.

Don’t leave the locker room without it.

First Pepsi, then Nike, now Newton’s One-Stop

The way Nate Newton sees it, the Dallas Cowboys play better when they have distractions, such as the recent Deion Sanders Derby. So Newton came up with an idea that would benefit not only the team, but his family as well.

Noting Cowboys owner Jerry Jones’ recent fascination with corporate sponsorship, Newton concocted the following plan: “What we need now that we got Deion, we need someone to start some trouble, not nothin’ real negative, but something to get us distracted a little bit so we can focus harder.

“I’m hopin’ Mr. Jones can cut a little deal with my dad. We got a little store back home in Orlando and I’d like to see it be the sponsor for Texas Stadium. It’s Newton’s One-Stop, but it can be Mr. Jones’ One-Stop if he gives us about $700,000 or $800,000.”

Death by exacta

A 38-year-old man was arrested by San Diego sheriff’s deputies recently after he tried to commit suicide by running onto the racetrack at Del Mar during the feature race.

“It was bizarre,” said Del Mar spokesman Mac McBride. “No one here can recall seeing an incident like this at the race track.”

The horses were turning into the stretch run when Russell Howard Caputo ran onto the track and directly in their path. Riders steered their mounts around him.

“Due to some luck on his part and terrific horsemanship, he was not struck,” McBride said.

Caputo told Del Mar security officials that he considered killing himself by jumping in front of a train, but decided to get run over by horses instead.

The race was won, by the way, by Sea of Serenity.

Hope this isn’t what they mean by “off-track betting.”

The Keyes to success

Never accuse Leroy Keyes of setting his sights too low. The runnerup to O.J. Simpson for the 1968 Heisman Trophy is back at Purdue again, though not in the role he anticipated.

“In all honesty, I figured I would be president of the university by this time,” said Keyes, who coaches running backs. “I was looking for bigger things.”

The last word …

“The doctor asked me if I wanted to catch the baby and I said, ‘Obviously, you haven’t seen me play defense.”’ - Phillies infielder Gregg Jefferies, after witnessing the birth of his daughter

, DataTimes