Let Bygones Be Bygones

Dear Readers: Perhaps many of you will remember a few years ago, when a reader suggested that a special day be set aside to mend torn relationships, heal old wounds and reach out to those with whom we have lost touch.

That column resulted in an avalanche of heartwarming letters from readers telling me how thrilled they were to have heard from someone they thought they had lost from their lives. So here I am again, suggesting that you pick up the phone or write a letter that will gladden the heart of someone who misses you and might be in pain.

Life is too short to hold grudges. To be able to forgive can be enormously healing and life-enhancing. Let this truly be the day of reconciliation. Here’s the original column:

Dear Ann Landers: I’ve suddenly become aware that the years are flying by. Time somehow seems more precious. My parents suddenly seem old. My aunts and uncles are sick. I haven’t seen some of my cousins for several years. I love my family, Ann, but we’ve grown apart.

Then, my thoughts turn to the dark side. I remember the feelings I’ve hurt, and I recall my own hurt feelings - the misunderstandings and unmended fences that separated us and set up barriers.

I have a close friend in New York I haven’t spoken to in three years. Another 28-year relationship in Seattle is on the rocks. We’re both 41 now, and time is marching on.

I think of my mother and her sister, who haven’t spoken to each other in five years. As a result of that argument, my cousin and I haven’t spoken either. I don’t know if she has children. Neither of us has met the other’s husband. What a waste of precious time! I’m sure millions of people in your reading audience could tell similar stories.

Wouldn’t it be terrific if a special day could be set aside to reach out and make amends? We could call it “Reconciliation Day.” Everyone would vow to write a letter or make a phone call and mend a strained or broken relationship. It also could be the day on which we all would agree to accept the olive branch extended by a former friend. This day could be the starting place. We could go on from here to heal the wounds in our hearts and rejoice in a brand-new beginning. - Van Nuys

Dear Ann Landers: My husband’s brother’s wife and I are both pregnant. We’re both expecting girls.

I told my sister-in-law we were planning to name our baby “Cynthia Jean” after my recently deceased mother, whom I loved. Sis told me SHE had picked that very name for their baby and strongly suggested that I select another name since her baby is due several weeks before mine.

We fight about this every day, and neither of us is backing down an inch. Any advice? - Mini-War in Connecticut

Dear Connecticut: What’s the big deal? In many families, there are cousins who have the same name. As a goodwill gesture, you might consider calling your child “Jean Cynthia.”

More often than not, when a girl has two names, she ends up dropping one or the other.

xxxx