Jean Pool: A Way To Spot Outsiders
For three days last week, this Rocky Mountain town enjoyed and endured its 15 minutes of fame, as its 1,000 residents mingled with news crews and federal agents.
Some 3.5 miles up Stemple Pass Road where the entrance to suspected Unabomber Theodore Kaczynski’s mountain cabin starts, it was easy to tell who was who.
The FBI agents were the ones behind the roadblock. The reporters were the ones in front of the roadblock. The locals were the ones driving past the roadblock because they had better things to do.
Back in town, the distinctions weren’t always so clear.
Everyone wore jeans, everyone was splattered with mud and everyone looked like they needed more sleep than they were getting.
Eventually, the clues to tell the three groups apart became clear.
Jeans
Local residents: Holes in the knees and frayed cuffs; the men sport oil stains and round worn spots on the hip pockets from cans of chewing tobacco.
FBI: Creases from the factory, no wear spots, no stains.
Media: Relaxed fit for the middle-aged men from newspapers and radio stations; designer jeans for the 20-something women from television. Latte stains on the legs.
Handi-Mart purchases
Locals: Gas, oil for chain saws, six-packs of Bud or Schmidt’s in the evening.
FBI: Orange juice, potato chips and doughnuts.
Media: Road maps and yogurt while using the ATM machine and pay telephone.
Vehicles
Locals: Pickup trucks with plenty of dents and last year’s mud splatters.
FBI: New four-door sedans - always American-made.
Media: Rental cars with maps on the passenger seat and a fresh dent from clipping the satellite truck while setting up this morning’s live shot.
Hair
Locals: Long hair with pony tails (we’re talking about the men here), beards and mustaches that haven’t been trimmed since the last snow storm.
FBI: High and tight razor cuts, off the ear and collar and always combed. Well-trimmed mustaches, no beards.
Media: Blow-dried, styled and consultant-approved coiffures for television stars; little or none for newspaper reporters.
Sweatshirts
Locals: “Take this job and shove it” slogan for men, country western concert souvenir for women.
FBI: Logo from the Ivy League, Big 10 or Southeast Conference university they attended.
Media: The media don’t wear sweatshirts. But television crews always have their station logos on their Land’s End jackets.
Hats
Locals: Cowboy hats that have been rained on, snowed on and stomped on by horses.
FBI: New baseball caps that still show the wrinkles where they were folded and placed on the store shelf.
Media: The media don’t wear hats either. That would mess up their hair.
Footwear
Locals: Cowboy boots that have been used for what God intended - riding horses and working cattle - or well worn walking shoes comfortable enough to stand all day behind a counter or cash register.
FBI: Vibram-soled wing tips or new work boots that still have some of the shine under the fresh mud.
Media: Nike cross-trainers or High Sierra walking boots.
Best time to see
Locals: On the way to work at 6 a.m., at the cafe having breakfast.
FBI: There is no good time to see FBI agents. Trust us.
Media: At 5, 6 and 11 p.m., at the main intersection, during their live shots. Or at any of the local bars at other times.
Handi-Mart talk
Locals: “Mary, you got any more of that spicy pepper beef jerky behind the counter?”
FBI: “Excuse me, ma’am….”
Media: “Can I put this Evian on American Express?”
Moment of the week
Locals: In a town with no stoplights, having to squint as satellite trucks illuminated main street at midnight while reporters went live.
FBI: Finding all those pieces of pipe in a cabin with no indoor plumbing.
Media: (Actually happened in Helena) When the camera hordes turned Kaczynski’s courthouse entrance into a mosh pit.
, DataTimes