Your Lifestyle Is Your Business

Dear Ann Landers: I’m writing about the reader who signed herself “Trying to Stay Straight But Losing the Battle.” She was a married woman who had decided she was a lesbian.

Four years ago, when I was 43 and married to a wonderful husband and the father of our three children, I “came out.” Within three months I had told my husband, my siblings, our children and then my parents who I really was. It felt as if a 10-ton weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I, too, was faithful throughout our 25 years of marriage but often dreamed of being with another woman. I sought counseling to accept myself, but I do not consider myself bisexual, even though I was married. I never knew there were others like me. I thought, “I can’t be like them. I am a mother and married. I wear dresses. I don’t have tattoos or a crew cut or ride a motorcycle.” But I am a lesbian.

Last year, my family had a “Geraldo” Christmas. My partner, my former husband and his wife, our three children, my former husband’s wife’s former husband, and his partner all came to my home for dinner. It was wonderful. We enjoy one another’s company and get along great. What do you think of that, Ann? - Bellevue, Neb.

Dear Nebraska: I think your family reunion must have been the talk of the town. Had it been Fire Island, N.Y., or Soho in London, no one would have raised an eyebrow. But Bellevue, Neb.? As for what anyone else thinks - it doesn’t matter. Your lifestyle is strictly your business.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I are faced with a serious problem. Our families are both Roman Catholic. We have followed our faith and had our children baptized in the church. For three of our children, we asked relatives to be godparents, and it has worked out well. For our last child, we asked some dear friends to be godparents. They stood up for us at our wedding, and we considered them family.

Unfortunately, there has been a falling out between us. We tried to patch things up, but they want nothing to do with us. There is no communication between them and our daughter, who is their godchild. This child feels left out because our other children have a close relationship with their godparents.

What can we do? We have thought of having our child re-baptized, with new godparents, but would the Church allow it? Our child has already received the sacrament, but she is not receiving the rewards and benefits that godparents traditionally bestow. Can you give us some guidance? - East Coast Dilemma

Dear Dilemma: According to Joseph Cardinal Bernardin, archbishop of Chicago, baptism has a permanent spiritual effect and cannot be conferred more than once. The child’s baptism is a historical fact, and the godparents are the ones chosen in connection with this event.

If the child has not yet received the Sacrament of Confirmation, she could choose a sponsor for this sacrament to whom she is especially close already and one whom she can look up to in faith. Perhaps the person chosen could be one who has already demonstrated interest in the child’s growth and who is present at important occasions in the child’s life.

Gem of the Day: A tactful teacher sent this note home to all parents: If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens in school, I will promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.