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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Settle On One Before Marrying

Ann Landers Creators Syndicate

Dear Ann Landers: I’m 25 years old and have been going with “Mike” for three years. Neither of us is interested in seeing anyone else. We have decided it is time to settle down and plan for the future. The only thing holding us back has to do with our religious differences.

I am Jewish and Mike is Catholic, which does not bother either of us in the least. We are, however, thinking ahead to the time when we will have children. We have talked it over and decided that we would like to raise them incorporating both the Catholic and Jewish religions.

Is it possible to have a child baptized and have him circumcised in the traditional Jewish manner? We are aware that according to the Jewish religion, the children are born with the faith of the mother, so technically our children would be Jewish. But Mike says he would never forgive himself if he didn’t baptize his children in the Catholic Church. My question: Would the children then be Catholic?

We are both confused about this and hope you can check with some authorities and give us answers that will help get our relationship off to a harmonious start. - Rebecca in New York

Dear Rebecca: According to Rabbi Gedalia Schwartz, chief presiding judge of the Chicago Rabbinical Court, your children will be considered Jewish (with or without a traditional circumcision). If the children are baptized, however, they would be considered Catholic in the eyes of the Church. Rev. John Costello, a Jesuit in Chicago, said it would be better if you and Mike agreed to raise the children one way or the other. Trying to do both could be confusing. If you and Mike work this out now, it will save you from what could be a serious problem later.

Dear Ann Landers: A while back, you printed “Bylaws for In-Laws.” Although the advice was sound, I’m sure my daughter-in-law could have written them. I have six married children, and believe me, there is considerable difference between sons-in-law and daughters-in-law.

All my sons married strong, capable women, but there is a wide range of dispositions and behavioral patterns, from thoughtful, sweet and caring to positively bitchy. I love and accept all my daughters-in-law, no matter where they fall in the spectrum. However, those who fall closer to the bitchy end are the ones who could have written those bylaws.

Have you noticed that often a daughter-in-law finds fault with her in-laws, while her own parents are “perfect”? She sees to it that the grandchildren spend a lot of time with her parents, while the time allotted to the husband’s parents is considerably less?

My mother taught me to respect my mother-in-law, and I have tried to teach my daughters to do the same. If one of them complains about her mother-in-law, I remind her that this is the woman who raised the man she loved enough to marry.

Here’s a bylaw for that daughter-in-law to chew on: Remember that the woman who raised your husband loves her son as much as you love your children. You should give your in-laws the same consideration and respect that you give your own parents. Keep in mind, if you are the mother of a son, you may one day be a mother-in-law and you will reap what you sow. - A Grandmother Who Has Seen It All

Dear Grandmother: Your words of wisdom should be mimeographed and attached to every marriage license. Thank you on behalf of all the mothers-in-law you helped today.