She’ll Keep Milking It For All That It’s Worth
Want to watch venerable exercise guru Jack LaLanne get his heart rate up? Just mention the Thighmaster and its new kid sister, the Buttmaster.
“Suzanne Somers should’ve been thrown into jail for selling Thighmaster,” sneers LaLanne, now a ripe 81. “The Thighmaster just develops a little muscle on the inner thigh. What good is that?
“We’ve got 630 muscles and each one needs work. I think people have been misled by the Thighmaster. There’s no magical easy way to stay in shape.”
But what really frosts LaLanne are those celebrity milk mustache ads. “Milk is not fit for human beings,” he huffs. “It’s for suckling calves. A glass of skim milk is OK once in a while, but don’t make a habit of it.”
Loose talk
Larry King, on the ultimate release (in George magazine): “What’s the greatest pleasure, slightly more than orgasm? Having to sneeze and sneezing. It’s the greatest pleasure mankind has.”
And if he was a talk show host, he’d be a …
Christopher Guest turns 48 today.
The station just needed to fill some dead air
Still don’t believe everyone will end up with their own talk show? Geoffrey Fieger, attorney for assisted suicide guru Dr. Jack Kevorkian, has one on Detroit’s WDIV-TV. Says Fieger: “It’s centered on me rather than ideas like guys who’ve married their brother’s daughter.”
Now who would make up a story like that?
Talk co-host Tammy Faye Messner (nee Bakker) claims the media image of her with makeup running in her tear-streaked televangelist days is a bare-faced lie. “I have always used waterproof,” she says. “Please explain that to the public. It’s my mascara, and I’ll cry if I want to. But it doesn’t run.”
They’d certainly have an inviting target
Lantern-jawed Jay Leno invited a 13-year-old girl to appear on “The Tonight Show” after hearing how she’d been teased about her prominent chin. “If you have a distinctive face, you’re more likely to make it,” Leno told Natalie Cron. “You have a great chin. I’d think the boys would be hitting on you.”
He’ll probably end up taking a nose dive
Geraldo Rivera has agreed to replace Harry Connick Jr. as the celebrity opponent of World Boxing Council welterweight champion Pernell “Sweetpea” Whitaker in a charity exhibition match March 5. Highlights will be televised on the USA Network.
Just look at it as freakdom of the press
Talk host Jerry Springer, defending his craft (in “Inside Media”): “We are mostly silly entertainment … the issue isn’t about what I like: it’s about what’s outrageous. By (that) standard, half the sitcoms would be off the air. And certainly the news would have to be off the air.”
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 color photos
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Rick Bonino