I’M Glad I Was The Conduit

Dear Ann Landers: I am the mother of nine children - seven boys and two girls. I am 55 and look pretty good, all things considered.

In September 1994, one of my sons hanged himself. I became deeply depressed and couldn’t get over the idea that somehow I had failed him. My doctor gave me pills to help me sleep and tranquilizers to get me through the day. Suicide was always at the back of my mind. Instead of taking the sleeping pills, I saved them up. My goal was to accumulate 200. I figured that would surely do it.

Then, I read your column in the Hartford Courant the day you ran the article “Before You Kill Yourself” from Reader’s Digest. I took a long look at those pills and flushed them down the drain.

Thank you, Ann, for saving my life. With my luck, I would have ended up a vegetable had I taken those pills. I still have a long way to go, but believe me, I am going to give it my best. I am planning to get some counseling, shape up and be equal to whatever comes my way.

Thank you for my life. That was some gift. - “Kate” in Connecticut

Dear Kate: I am thrilled that you are still among us, but you should thank the Hartford Courant and Reader’s Digest. I was merely the one who put you together.

And now, I hope the counseling you get will help you maintain a balanced and rational outlook. Death is awfully permanent.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband smokes, and I hate it. After cancer surgery, “Joe” promised to quit. For six weeks while recovering, he didn’t smoke, but as soon as he got out of my sight, he started again and lied about it. He swore he wasn’t smoking until I caught him.

Joe has promised to quit many times, but he’s never made an honest effort. I am sick of this filthy habit and his lies. It has caused many fights. He has high blood pressure and bleeding ulcers but insists he is healthy and that smoking doesn’t hurt him. He says that smoking is not a problem for him and that I’m the one with the problem. He intends to continue to smoke and I can “like it or lump it.”

Joe smells like his stinking cigarettes all the time. This odor is repulsive to me and a real turn-off. I can hardly stand for him to touch me. He has chosen to give up closeness and intimacy rather than give up smoking. I don’t want to hurt my children and grandkids, so we continue to live together, and I try to make the best of it.

I keep reading that smoking kills over 420,000 people every year, but there are no statistics on how many marriages it ruins. I’ll bet the number is staggering. Any suggestions? - Trying to Cope in Salem, Ore.

Dear Salem: I am sure you realize that Joe is hooked. The addiction to nicotine, they say, is more difficult to kick than heroin.

Joe is not going to get off the weed without professional help. If he should suddenly become sane on this subject and decide to do something about his addiction, a good physician will help him. He cannot win this battle alone. I wish him luck.

Dear Ann: If you think it’s hard to get a job with a law degree, try with a B.A. in history. Especially if you can’t type. Advise college students to major in something useful. Or better yet, go to a vocational school - Smart Too Late

Dear Smart: You may be right. Thanks for the advice.