Your Views Varied Greatly

Dear Ann Landers: I am writing about the letter from “Silently Weeping,” the 70-year-old wife who found condoms in her husband “Wilmer’s” wallet shortly after he suffered a fatal heart attack.

“Weeping” also discovered kinky gadgets and pornographic pictures in Wilmer’s office desk and in the garage. Apparently, he was a decent man who honored his marriage vows and took care of his physical needs by himself. She was lucky. My husband wasn’t nearly so discreet. - A Kansas Wife

Dear K.W.: I received a great deal of reaction to that letter, and almost all the women who wrote condemned Wilmer. The men, however, had a different point of view. Keep reading:

Dear Ann Landers: Surely you didn’t miss the key to Wilmer’s drama. His wife found the condoms in his wallet. She wrote, “He certainly wasn’t using them at home.” It sounds as if she cut him off because she was no longer interested in sex, but apparently, he was. This often happens to couples who have been married 50 years or more. It happened to me. A counselor told my wife, in my presence, that she had better revise her thinking and suggested that I be more “romantic.” We met each other halfway, and it was the perfect solution. - Toronto

From Memphis: I was also married to a porno freak and full-time “gadgeteer.” He wasn’t interested in the real thing. Lord knows I tried - for 10 years. The “Wilmers” of this world are hopeless adolescents. They should never marry.

Jackson, Miss.: The fact that Wilmer put up with his uptight wife for 50 years speaks volumes about his character. You should have told that self-centered Puritan to quit whining and thank her lucky stars for such a man.

Downey, Calif.: Wilmer’s wife jumped too quickly to a wrong conclusion. Condoms, pornography and gadgets do not, in themselves, indicate the existence of “another woman.” In fact, they suggest the opposite.

San Jose, Calif.: You missed the boat regarding Wilmer. You should have asked his wife how often she has a headache. Condoms in a wallet are not proof of infidelity. Some males use them for solitary sex.

Somewhere in Idaho: I am a therapist. In my practice, I have encountered many married men who look elsewhere for sexual satisfaction because their wives are no longer interested. The ignorance in this area is appalling.

I have seen many women who have had unnecessary hysterectomies without being informed that their desire for sex might be diminished whether or not they go on hormones. Hormones will keep the mucous membranes flexible, but they do very little for the libido. (Also, men who have had prostate surgery are often not told that this operation could render them impotent.)

I told my gynecologist friends they should really educate their patients about this possible loss of libido. Two of them closed the door of the conference room and said, “If you want to keep getting referrals, you’d better drop the subject.”

So, dear readers, I hope you learned something useful today. I certainly did.

Gem of the Day: Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the person who will get the blame. - Laurence J. Peter