Male Execs Juggle Work, Family Men In Top Posts Face Special Challenges In Their Attempt To Achieve A Balance

Bill Galston quit a high-flying White House post to spend more time with his son. Rayvon Williams found a way to leave work by 4 p.m. and still win two promotions at Tandem Computers in a year.

Unlike executives of a generation ago, many ambitious men today are refusing to spend years as exiles from home. They’re yearning for family time, grappling with the desire for it and taking sometimes dramatic steps to get it.

In one of the most high-profile cases, American Express Co. President Jeff Stiefler resigned in September to spend more time with his family.

“It’s similar to the path that women were breaking 10 or 20 years ago,” said Kathleen Gerson, author of “No Man’s Land,” a book on how men balance work and family. “Men are breaking down barricades, and there’s not a lot of support for them.”

Of course, women also are juggling the demands of work and home and dealing increasingly with challenges ranging from aging parents to child care. Still, men in top posts - who still make up the large majority of executives - face special challenges in their quest for balance.

At a time of increased downsizing, global competition and demands from boards and investors, executives face growing pressures at the office. Family relationships suffer more than ever.

Yet men are still expected to live for work, and indeed many would feel naked without their job titles.

“If a guy says he’s reducing his commitment to work, people say ‘That’s wonderful.’ But there’s always a twinge of ‘Does he still have what it takes?”’ said James Levine, director of The Fatherhood Project at the Families and Work Institute in New York.

There’s also of course a reluctance by high-ranking men to delve deeper into the world of domestic life - a distant realm where fawning associates and luxurious perks are absent.

As a result of such influences, men don’t often use the growing number of leave programs or support systems geared toward family needs. More men do than in the past, but far fewer than women.

At AT&T, men accounted for one in every 19 employees taking family leave in 1994, up from one in every 400 in 1982, said spokesman Burke Stinson.

“The trend indicates that more men are stepping up to their parental responsibilities, but it’s clear that men have more than a mile to go before approaching parity,” he said, adding that he thought the balance would change when younger executives with working wives reach the topmost posts.

For now, many men still work doggedly on - until their home lives explode.

Robert Mobley reached his limit four years ago after a failed marriage and years of working 80-hour weeks as a partner for a real estate firm. He quit and has been home since managing his investments.

“I began to look back and there was a blur in there. There was a blur with my children,” said the 45-year-old Atlanta father of three. “But I realized that what I could do is not let that blur take over my life.”

His colleagues reacted with disbelief and some envy. Many people - including his wife - think it’s odd for a father to stay home. But he’s insistent that he’ll never go back.

Luckily, Mobley had the money to walk away. Other executives who quit, at least temporarily, often have a spouse with a career who supports the change, or find work at home or in less rigorous fields.

Stiefler declined to be interviewed. But a statement from Harvey Golub, chairman and chief executive officer of American Express, said he resigned to “spend more time with his family” and pursue other “business opportunities.”

Such statements don’t always tell the full story. Stiefler quit a week after the company said it might sell the banking unit he managed and when it became clear that he was not first in line to succeed Golub.

Other men make changes where they can, said Bill Galston, who quit as a domestic-policy adviser to President Clinton earlier this year to return to teaching at the University of Maryland.

“I now know a fair number of men who drive their kids to school and get to work later as a result,” he said. “People arrange their days if they can so they can take responsibility at the beginning or the end of the day.”

Rayvon Williams, director of investor relations at Cupertino, Calif.-based Tandem, said it took years of tinkering before he found a solution.

At first, he worked from home more, but found himself answering e-mail at breakfast or logging in from the backyard - and spending even less time with his two sons.

Now, he toils from home when necessary, but tries to work at the office only from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m.

“It took time to figure out how to make it work,” said Williams. “It hasn’t been anything magical.”