Should State Take The Lead Discouraging Big Families?

“Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. People grow old only by deserting their ideals.” - civic leader Samuel Ullman

Dear Jennifer: I am very concerned about population issues. I am offering a resolution to the governor and the state Legislature. Washington should be the first state to pass a resolution to encourage families not to have more than two children. The state should provide free sterilization with substantial cash incentives to anyone who has one child, a totally voluntary program.

Paul Harvey recently told the story of a couple who lived to be over 100, and they had produced, counting all the generations, 100 offspring. We have to improve the quality rather than the quantity of the human species. How many offspring are you responsible for? - Ed

Dear Ed: Well, I win on this one, if population is the issue. I’ve added only one person to the planet in my 52 years.

I had planned to add two and then four grandchildren and then eight great-grandchildren, nothing close to 100. Everyone should stop for a minute and add up their contribution.

In other times, with epidemics, the need for farm labor, smaller world population, having a dozen biological children was a contribution to the family and the community. It is no longer. It is now irresponsible and self-serving. But, such deeply set habits and expectations are very hard to change.

There is also the dilemma of some who could easily raise six wonderful humans and others who shouldn’t raise any.

I hope the next millennium will somehow trigger our understanding that personal philosophies and religions that encourage large families are wrong, they condemn too many to poverty.

Every time an American has an “extra” child, 30 children worldwide may die because of the amount of the Earth’s resources the average American child consumes.

I don’t know if the state should or could do anything, but if we truly care about all humans we cannot, in good conscience, reproduce more than ourselves. - Jennifer

Dear Jennifer: I am writing this letter for advice. Last week while at his father’s home (we are divorced and his father is remarried), my 15-year-old son found some pornographic books and notes that his father had written to his wife that were of a filthy nature. My son also found whips and rubber gloves. My son was totally sickened because his father always warned him against pornography.

I want to help my son through this so he won’t be traumatized. I don’t dare speak to his father because I think he will accuse our son of snooping. What should I do?

My interest is in protecting my son from perversions and in helping him deal with hypocrisy. - Anonymous

Dear Anon: Your ex-husband has already tried to bridge the gap between what his private interests are and what he wants for your son by warning him against pornography. We are all guilty of trying to protect our children against things we have done or do.

Do not undermine your son’s respect for his father. That, in my mind, would be a greater sin than rubber gloves and a whip in the closet.

Your son is almost a man. He should bring this up with his father, explain that he was not snooping, and ask why his Dad needs these sexual things. Sexuality is extraordinarily complex, in humans, because there is so much control, confusion and dishonesty. Your son is long past the age when he is easily impressionable, particularly in terms of sado-masochism. His father’s interests will not become his unless he has the same need to dominate or be dominated.

I would tell your son you trust him, you trust his judgment and you know his father loves him. Then leave it to him to work it out and limit the discussions you have with your son about his father’s sexuality or his own. Answer questions when asked, offer to find a male counselor for him to talk to for an information session, and then let it go.

Pornography is offensive, and violent or abusive pornography is dangerous. But the vast majority of those you would classify as sexually disturbed, come not from exposure to pornography, but from families whose rigid belief systems undermine a person’s ability to exercise judgment based on understanding. - Jennifer

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The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Jennifer James The Spokesman-Review