Balancing Act Are You Tired Of Trying To Do Everything? Choosing What’s Important Is The First Step In Smoothing Life’s Bumpy Road

Paula Countryman was speeding down I-5 listening to Tracy Chapman singing “Mountains of Things” on a new $1,000 CD system when the realization hit.

Countryman was trading her life and her ideals to pay for her house, her car and her day-care bills. Not to mention that CD system.

Many mornings she climbed out of bed at 2:30 a.m. to work the early shift at Eddie Bauer’s catalog division in Lynnwood. Her husband rarely got home from his job as a restaurant manager before 7:30 p.m. They hardly saw each other anymore and their 2-year-old son practically lived at the day-care center.

“I thought, ‘What have I done?”’ Countryman says.

She and her husband quit their jobs and sold their house in Seattle, paid off their credit cards and began a calmer, saner life on Spokane’s South Hill. Now, five years later, with the family living solely on Randy Countryman’s salary, there’s time for chess in the evenings, leisurely family walks to spot hummingbirds in Manito Park, and a new sense of peace.

Of those bad old days, Countryman now says, “It was really horrible. I look back on it and I wonder how I ever did it.”

Countryman’s search for balance is not an isolated experience. It is mirrored by a growing list of new book titles on bookstore shelves: “Inner Simplicity,” “Slowing Down in a Speeded Up World,” “Care of the Soul,” “The Art of the Possible,” “First Things First,” “Simple Abundance.”

Now, in an era of a shaky economy and corporate down-sizing, people are searching for a sense of spiritual meaning in their lives beyond the next paycheck or the next trip to the mall.

An estimated 11 million are expected to embrace a movement called voluntary simplicity by the turn of the century. Many more are likely to make subtler changes as they struggle for balance.

“I think we’re just completely overloaded,” says Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of “Simple Abundance.” “We’re finding out we’re human beings and we can’t do it all. We’re all waking up to sanity.”

Says Jennifer Louden, author of “The Woman’s Comfort Book,” “Our world is severely out of balance. Everything is mirrored in our individual lives.”

Nowhere is that more true than in the lives of these authors.

Louden’s book was born out of a particularly difficult period. She was injured in a serious skiing accident. Her small career as a screenwriter disappeared. She broke up with her partner of five years. She lost money. Her uncle died.

To top it off, she realized she took lousy care of herself. “My idea of self-care was Chinese food and reruns of ‘M*A*S*H,”’ she says.

That realization, and counseling, helped Louden embark on a new career. Soon she was writing of herbal baths, feather beds and freesias on the night stand. A series of “comfort” books was born, first the women’s book, then books for couples and pregnant women.

In February she’ll be in Spokane to talk about “inner balance” at the Holy Family Hospital Women’s Health Conference.

Now Louden can recognize the signs of imbalance: Constantly feeling rushed. Heart pounding. Eating too little. Eating too much chocolate, breakfast cereal, junk food.

She has developed a number of favorite ways of restoring balance: taking a yoga class, gardening, writing in her journal.

Then a sense of balance descends. “It’s this feeling of being more me,” she says. “Of being more authentic.”

For Sarah Ban Breathnach, the Maryland author of two books on Victorian domestic life, a period of being an angry, envious workaholic was the impetus for change.

“It was an out-of-body experience,” she says of that time. “I was simply hurtling from one task to another. … Our house was cluttered. Our schedules were overbooked. I was stressed to the max.”

After she lost work because of financial cutbacks, she became even angrier.

“One ordinary morning I realized I was emotionally and physically exhausted from concentrating on things I wanted to buy but couldn’t afford,” she writes. “I felt trapped in a vicious circle. The more I focused on lack and what I couldn’t have, the more depressed I became.”

It dawned on her that what she really yearned for was not financial security, but serenity. She made a list of all of her life’s assets: her health, her husband and daughter and their health, their home, their pets, their many friends.

“When I looked at my life’s ledger, I realized I was a very rich woman,” she says. “What I was experiencing was merely a temporary cash-flow problem. Finally, I came to an inner awareness that my personal net worth couldn’t possibly be determined by the size of my checking account balance.”

She began to keep a gratitude journal, listing at the end of each day five things for which she felt grateful.

As time passed, she discovered six spiritual principles - gratitude, simplicity, order, harmony, beauty and joy - that helped define her life. She found the secret to her own contentment.

“It’s making those creative choices so that you can live an authentic life,” she says. “It’s living by your own lights.”

Her book, “Simple Abundance,” was the result.

Elaine St. James, a former fast-track real estate investor, underwent a similar transformation.

It was in the summer of 1990 that she looked at her time-management system and said, “What am I doing? I don’t want to keep a three-ring binder just to keep track of my life.”

St. James and her husband moved from a 3,000-square-foot house to a 600-square-foot condominium. They got rid of masses of clutter. St. James reduced her wardrobe to two skirts, two pullovers, eight T-shirts and six turtlenecks.

“We spend so much time on things we think we should do,” she says. “We don’t have the time to nourish our own souls.”

While writing her first book, St. James met with a group of high-powered professionals, who started to talk about their leisure goals. The members decided to list the things they really liked to do. The items included: watching the sunset or sunrise, walking on the beach, spending quiet time with friends.

“These were simple things that didn’t require a lot of money and a lot of expense,” she says. “These were things we didn’t have time for in our recent years.”

These days St. James, author of “Simplify Your Life” and “Inner Simplicity,” lives in Santa Barbara, Calif., and begins each day at 5 a.m. with an hourlong meditation, followed by a three-mile walk on the beach. Then she sits down to homemade granola with sliced bananas and orange juice for breakfast.

Her books each list 100 ideas for making life simpler, more creative, more satisfying.

“I get letters every day from people all around the country who say my books have changed their lives,” she says.

Many have followed her lead and reduced their mortgages.

“It’s been drummed into us that we have to have these big mortgages,” she says. “When you really look at it, it’s so liberating to pay off those big mortgages and not have the payments, even if it means moving to a smaller house to do it.”

At a talk she gave in Orange County, one man stood up and told her he’d read her book, and he and his wife decided to sell their 9,000-square-foot house and move into a 950-square-foot apartment. Suddenly they felt liberated enough to travel the country.

Says St. James: “A lot of us are finding out it’s not the things that make us happy. The secret is not in having more but in wanting less.”

Her second book is filled with ideas for filling your spare time once you’ve eliminated the excess: Spend time each day in nature. Laugh a lot. Use visualizations. Chant. Learn to forgive.

These days Paula Countryman on Spokane’s South Hill is leading a group for people who read books such as these and who want to lead simpler, more balanced lives.

The Countrymans now drive older cars, budget carefully during the holidays and live on less than they made in Seattle.

The days of spending $1,000 on a car CD system are long past. But that’s fine with Paula Countryman.

“I’m increasingly finding as I age that I’m asking, ‘What is my purpose in life? What am I here for?”’ she says. “I don’t want it to be just to be a consumer.”

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Color Photo

MEMO: These 3 sidebars appeared with the story:

1. The Gratitude Journal “I have a beautiful blank book and each night before I go to bed, I write down five things that I can be grateful about that day. Some days my list will be filled with amazing things, most days just simple joys. … As the months pass and you fill your journal with blessings, an inner shift in your reality will occur. Soon you will be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling.” - Sarah Ban Breathnach, “Simple Abundance” (Warner Books).

Just Say No “One of the things I promised myself when we decided to simplify our lives was to reduce my social commitments to people beyond the circle of my immediate family and friends. I’ve finally reached a point where, if someone asks me to do something I don’t want to do or spend an evening with people I don’t have any interest in being with, I simply say no. Thank you, but no.” - Elaine St. James, “Simplify Your Life” (Hyperion).

A Day of Rest “I recently discovered the Sabbath. On Sundays, I don’t use my car and have made it a rule not to shop, clean house or pay bills. My Sundays are for reflection, walks, reading, writing letters and for cooking something special if I’m in the mood.” - Adair Lara, “Slowing Down in a Speeded Up World” (Conari Press).

Creative Imagination “Visualize your 80th birthday or your 50th wedding anniversary. Try to imagine a wonderful celebration where friends, loved ones and associates from all walks of life come to honor you… “See these individuals in your mind’s eye as they stand, one by one, to pay tribute to you. Assume they represent roles you are now fulfilling in life - perhaps as a parent, teacher, manager or community servant. Also assume you have fulfilled these roles to the utmost of your potential. What would these people say?” - Stephen R. Covey, A. Roger Merrill & Rebecca R. Merrill, “First Things First” (Simon & Schuster)

Seasonal Comforts “Curl up in flannel sheets with someone you love, be they human or animal. … Sip hot tea and watch the rain. Make a snow angel.” - Jennifer Louden, “The Woman’s Comfort Book” (Harper San Francisco).

2. RESOURCES A study circle meets twice monthly in Spokane to discuss books and ideas on living simply. To join, call 456-0655. Jennifer Louden, author of “The Woman’s Comfort Book,” speaks in Spokane on Feb. 7 on “Inner Balance: Using Self-Care to Create Well-Being In Your Life.” She’s appearing during the Holy Family Hospital Women’s Health Conference. For more information, call 482-2477. Simple Living, a quarterly newsletter for people who have slowed down and created richer lives, is published in Seattle. Write Simple Living, 2319 N. 45th St., Box 149, Seattle, WA 98103, or call (206) 464-4800. The cost is $14. Jamie Tobias Neely

3. VALUE IMPORTANCE OVER URGENCY Do you start your day by making an urgent to-do list? At night, do you fall into bed, basing your satisfaction on the number of items you managed to cross off? “That’s a very shallow evaluator of life,” says A. Roger Merrill, co-author with Stephen Covey of “First Things First.” “That leads to feelings of alienation. “When you try to fill that sense of identity based on volume, that leads to a pretty shallow life.” Merrill brings a time-management perspective to the question of balance. He believes too many people base their priorities on urgency rather than importance. “The effects of that over time are significant,” Merrill says. “When you feel harassed and rushing, it’s a pretty good sign you’re really not clear about what’s important.” Merrill proposes that people start by creating a mission statement and listing the important roles they play in life. He suggests making a short list of the most important goals for each role each week. Invariably these goals will not be the urgent stuff of the usual to-do list, but deeper, more meaningful activities. They’ll allow you to build relationships, plan, and seize opportunities. Examples might be playing tennis with a son who is struggling, brainstorming about an upcoming meeting, or signing up for a tai chi class. Merrill recommends scheduling these items first in a weekly planner. “It will tend to slowly change your life,” Merrill says. The basis of this idea is the life mission statement. Merrill cautions that it may take time to develop a mission. He advises basing it on timeless wisdom derived from every culture. “Go back to the sacred literature of your own tradition: the Koran, the Bible, the Bhagavad-Gita,” Merrill says. “There’s a reason they’re considered sacred literature. The trick is to be inclusive.” A mission, like a Greek credo, provides a solid foundation for life and a clear sense of focus. “It’s easy to say no to the less important when there’s a deeper yes burning within,” Merrill says. Jamie Tobias Neely