Cheap Seats
It’s Dolphin-safe, but tree-huggers beware!
The Miami Dolphins 1995 Postseason Guide - all 280 pages of it - supplied reporters with team and league stats, player bios and photocopied press clippings from the regular season. Need to know the inside scoop on journeyman receiver Mike Williams? Our handy guide, printed on 8-1/2-by-11-inch paper and sporting a fashionable teal cover, devotes two pages to the guy - that’s a page for every catch he made in 1995. What about kicker Pete Stoyanovich, you ask? Six-and-a-half pages oughta do. And Dan Marino? Try 14-1/2 sheets filled with Everything Dan.
By the time reporters could finish reading the guide, the Dolphins had been bounced from the playoffs.
Just ‘do it
Combing through press releases, it was discovered that Troy Aikman of the Dallas Cowboys has the best hairdo among NFL quarterbacks. That’s according to the best-tressed list put out by Supercuts, Inc.
The Philadelphia Eagles’ Ray Rhodes and the Oakland Raiders’ Mike White have the best haircuts among coaches and Bob Costas and Howie Long have the best hair among commentators.
The Buffalo Bills’ Jim Kelly has the worst hair among quarterbacks, and the Kansas City Chiefs’ Marty Schottenheimer has the worst hair among coaches.
Linda Laredo, Supercuts’ national artistic director, said Kelly “has a layered look from the ‘80s, not the ‘90s. He should shorten the back or try a clippered style.” Schottenheimer, meanwhile, “takes variation to the limit - uneven layers and tricolored. This breaks all of the fashion rules.”
Jimmy Johnson and John Madden, both of Fox, were picked as having the worst hair among commentators. According to Loredo, Johnson’s hair “is stiff and rigid with no movement. Too much goo in your ‘do: Jimmy, loosen up a little and let your hair breathe!”
And you’re Dr. Galackewicz? “Yes I am.”
In police custody and facing a list of charges, Omar Rashad Preston wanted to be somebody else. So he tried a well-known name from his hometown: Rock Preston. The 19-year-old from Tallahassee then gave his address as Burt Reynolds Hall on the Florida State campus. That’s where the football players live - including the real Rock Preston, a running back.
By last Sunday afternoon, the story of yet another college athlete gone bad was spreading quickly. The real Rock Preston - suddenly connected to stealing gas from a convenience store, using a fake ID to buy beer and possessing cocaine - couldn’t believe it.
“I was at home in Miami,” he said. “I flew up today and got here about 3 this afternoon. When coach told me this afternoon, it was the first I had heard of it. I didn’t even know where Polk County was.”
The false report “ruined a good afternoon and caused a lot of worry for a lot of people,” FSU sports information director Rob Wilson noted.
The last word …
“Thank God for the Cowboys. We’re praying for them to make it to the Super Bowl. That would take us through the All-Star break. By that point, we could start thinking about the lottery and people would be rooting for us to lose so we can get a good player.”
- Dallas Mavericks coach Dick Motta, whose team started 5-1, then went 4-22
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo