Cheap Seats

The too-friendly skies

Marlins outfielder Andre Dawson is a man with some baggage. He pays child support to a Delta Airlines reservationist for their 7-year-old daughter, and now he’s being sued for child support by a USAir flight attendant for their 6-year-old son.

Ever hear of Amtrak, Andre?

The Wally Pipp All-Stars

Heading into baseball’s All-Star break, Jayson Stark of the Philadelphia Inquirer polled former Phillies reliever Larry Andersen to select a sort of alternative all-star team for the halt, the lame and others who’ve gone on the disabled list for ingrown toenails. Andersen’s picks:

First base - Mark McGwire: “His mother always told him to get his rest,” Andersen said. “But I think he’s taken it a step further. He’s the most rested player in the game, year after year.”

Second base - Bip Roberts: “I finally figured out the one injury he hasn’t had yet - Bip replacement surgery.”

Shortstop - Cal Ripken Jr.: “Give him another 15 years, odds are he’ll make this team.”

Third base - Jeff “Once Traded for Larry Andersen” Bagwell: “Hey, he was originally a third baseman, so I put him at third. All that time he’s spent being hurt, it’s just a payback for making all the people in Boston hate me.”

Catcher - Sandy Alomar: “I’m not sure he understood his contract. He apparently thought he was getting paid by the injury.”

Outfield - Jose Canseco: “The National Guard has had more active duty than Jose.”

Outfield - Eric Davis: “Bette Davis came back faster from her injuries in Baby Jane.”

Outfield - Kevin Mitchell: “He’s in the lineup less than Joni Mitchell.”

Pitcher - Steve “Ice Pack” Ontiveros: “This guy has encountered more ice than the Titanic.”

And finally, Andersen’s scouting report on his team: “A pain to pitch to. Get all the breaks. A scarry team to face. And the surgeon general says that watching this team could be hazardous to your health.”

What’s the opposite of a mulligan?

Alison Munt’s been down so long, even a hole-in-one is a drag.

She’s dead last on the yearly LPGA money-winning list and had cashed out for exactly $569 in the 12 events leading up to the ShopRite LPGA Classic. That’s when she pulled out a 7-iron and aced the 151-yard 14th hole during the third round.

Just one problem: It happened one day before a construction company’s offer of a $25,000 bonus for an ace went into effect. And the next day, her 6-iron came up 15 feet off the cup en route to an 80 - the day’s worst round. She won all of $929.

What’s in a name? Money

Tampa Stadium, which NFL fans call “The Big Sombrero,” is getting a new name: Houlihan’s Stadium, after a restaurant chain run by Bucs owner Malcolm Glazer.

Perfect. Houlihan’s is a Kansas City-based chain that does not have any restaurants in the Tampa area. It does, however, have $10 million to buy a stadium name.

At least Seafirst has branches in Spokane.

The last word …

“It’s an extremely long way from home. I’m going to have to get adjusted. I’ll have to have my mom live with me for about the next 10 years.”

- Alabama’s Roy Rogers, Vancouver’s pick in the NBA draft

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