Day Care To Spare? Going Back To Work After A Second Child Became An Ordeal For This Working Mother
Four days before I was supposed to return to work after having my second child, my baby sitter dropped a note in my driveway announcing her resignation.
She was the second woman to abruptly quit without explanation. And when I sought sympathy and solutions from other working parents I was told: “Welcome to the club.”
As far as day-care horror stories go, mine was tame, even typical. Finding day care is a nightmare in Spokane.
I can rattle off four other families who’ve had sitters quit - or just fail to show up - without notice. I know of two mothers who have had their day cares close without warning. Three of my friends have arrived at their respective day cares - places they’ve used for months or even years - to find too many children and not enough staff.
When I decided to work outside the home, I promised myself that our children - 2-year-old Molly and 5-month-old Clarke - would have the best care we could afford. But it seems that no matter how much time and energy I spend, I can’t find a situation that will let me relax. And I work only part time.
Every single day I am overcome with a panic that my new arrangements will fall through. I worry that I will be forced to leave my children in a situation that is less than ideal. Or that I am already doing so and simply unable to admit it.
The state shut down three Spokane day cares in the last eight months. One operator was accused of running a meth lab as an income supplement to his day-care business in the Valley. A facility on the North Side fell into chaos as the staff repeatedly changed. On July 1, investigators closed Kinder College Corner on the South Hill for numerous allegations, including misleading a mother about where her child was when he broke his arm.
I know the fear those parents are feeling. What are they going to do? How will they ever be able to trust anyone to care for their children again? How can that many people possibly find a new day care that’s any better than what they already had?
There’s nothing out there.
Earlier this year, when I began looking for a new day care, I called Family Care Resources, a clearinghouse for all the licensed facilities in Spokane. For $20, they sent me a list of all the day cares in my zip code - both large institutional settings and small in-home settings.
I waited for the mail carrier to deliver the first list and immediately called all 22 places. Not one had space for my children. Many of the women caring for children in their homes seemed warmhearted and compassionate. They seemed like people I could trust.
Some even offered to squeeze my children in until I could find something else. But I don’t want my children merely accommodated, I want them cared for in a safe, nuturing, semipermanent environment.
I expanded my search. Four lists later, I had the names of two facilities with two open spots.
The first place was not for my babies. It was a large building, so my daughter and son would be in separate rooms. The youngest child in the infant room was close to a year old. None of the staff seemed familiar with small infants and my son was only 3 months old at the time.
I can still remember the director’s comments to me as I left. “We tell the staff to always tell the parents their children had a good day,” she said. “After working hard all day, parents don’t want to hear that so-and-so bit so-and-so, or that someone cried all day long.”
If that was happening to my child, I’d expect to be called at work - immediately.
The second place - an in-home facility licensed for nine children - looked great. It was very clean. The woman who ran it was organized and calm. The children were all well-behaved. Another family had snatched up her two openings.
How am I supposed to pick the best situation for my children if I don’t even have a choice? Granted there are two strikes against me: I have two children and one of them is an infant. But that’s not exactly unusual in this town.
Desperate, I finally called a state employee in charge of licensing day cares in Spokane. He was sympathetic. He agreed that finding a day care would be next to impossible and wished me luck.
Then he warned me to be vigilant. The health and safety of my children was my responsibility, he said. The state could only assure a minimum standard for most licensed facilities. And even that was hit and miss, given the ratio of facilities to inspectors.
He even suggested I hire someone to come into my home. But I had already gone through that drill three times.
After Molly was born, we found our first nanny through a classified advertisement. She had a degree in child development, several years of experience and a child of her own who came along. But taking care of someone else’s children, in someone else’s home, is a lot of work. After two years, she had another child and will eventually open her own day care.
People romanticize nanny work. They imagine becoming Mary Poppins or Mrs. Doubtfire. Reality is poopy diapers, temper tantrums and a 2-year-old who never stops talking. There are well-qualified nannies looking for work. But they are asking $7-to-$10 an hour. Those are prices that doctors and lawyers might be able to pay, but not reporters, school teachers or nurses.
Maybe there would be more competition if there was more money to be made. A nanny could take in 15 percent more in salary if her employer didn’t have to pay taxes. Some employers, like Goodale and Barbieri, offer subsidized day care to their workers. I wish that were universal.
I thought that having the skills of a reporter would equip me to find the best setting for my children. What I really need is more money.
Our second sitter never even made it to the first day of work. After interviewing dozens of people over the phone and in person, checking references and criminal history, I settled on a lifelong Spokane resident looking to supplement her Social Security income.
I called her a week later to ask if she would take a class in child CPR and she announced she had reconsidered. The third sitter was also a “nice grandma lady,” as my daughter describes her. The note in my driveway came the day after her first week of work, when she suddenly realized I was taking out taxes and reporting the income to the federal government.
So when the woman with the great in-home day care called me that very same day to say she had two more unexpected openings, I cried. I thanked God, I kissed my husband and tap danced on the kitchen floor with the baby.
But I can’t get the nagging doubts out of my head. I took what was available. Every morning, as I turn my sobbing children over to someone else, I feel like I haven’t done enough.
I don’t have any real choices here, except the option of staying home. But I love my job and the money enables us to save for our children’s college.
Maybe as my children get older, this will get easier. Or maybe I’ll learn to stop agonizing over my limited choices. What I hope for is more options for parents in Spokane - those who choose to work and those forced to do so.
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo Staff illustration by Molly Quinn
MEMO: Kelly McBride covers religion for The Spokesman-Review.