I’M With You Part Of The Way

Dear Ann Landers: Last year, I married the woman of my dreams. She is funny, intelligent, loving, caring, exciting and gentle. Ours is a full and rewarding life together. We have traveled to several states for both business and pleasure. We go to church, get together with friends and relatives, and share the household chores. We have known both good times and bad, and our commitment to one another is stronger now than ever.

So why am I writing to you? Because I hope you will help educate a few million people today. Our marriage, blessed by a minister and approved by many friends and family members, is not legal in the United States. And if Congress has anything to say about it, we may never have a chance to make it legal. You see, Ann, I am also a woman.

My wife and I are hard-working professionals who pay our taxes and vote regularly. We pay our bills on time and are law-abiding citizens. However, we are not accorded all the civil rights that most Americans assume to be their privilege. Because we are not legally married, we have none of the legal rights married couples enjoy, such as gaining immediate access to a loved one in case of an emergency, sharing insurance policies at reduced rates, holding property together, filing joint tax returns and so on.

We are not seeking “special rights.” We simply want the same rights every other American couple has: the right to be free from discrimination in housing and employment, the right to legal protection from harassment and, most importantly, the right to marry whomever we choose and to enjoy the benefits of marriage.

A supportive word from you would give us broader acceptance and might possibly help us with a few legislators. How about it, Ann? - A Loving Wife

Dear Loving Wife: I believe same-sex couples should be entitled to the legal rights that married couples enjoy, including the ones you stated: gaining immediate access to a loved one in case of an emergency, sharing insurance policies at reduced rates, owning property together and filing joint income tax returns. I also believe that same-sex couples should be free from discrimination in housing and employment and should have the right to legal protection against harassment. But, my friend, that is as far as I want to go. I define marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

Before you gay-rights folks land on me with both feet, I would like to remind you that I have been supportive of your movement for many years, have withstood a great deal of criticism in the process and have risked the wrath of some editors and publishers. I cannot support same-sex marriage, however, because it flies in the face of cultural and traditional family life as we have known it for centuries. And that’s where I must draw the line. Sorry.

Dear Ann: Here’s a question for the 17-year-old boy who didn’t think low-rise jeans with high-rise underwear was sexy. I wonder how low his pants hang.

Every day, I see more boxer shorts showing than women’s panties. Yesterday, I saw a guy whose jeans were so big, the crotch was down to his knees. No belt, of course. So, before he starts to diss anyone, maybe he should make sure his boxers are tucked in all nice and pretty. And, hon, check your fly while you’re at it. - A Minneapolis Reader

Dear Mpls.: You told him off very nicely. Thank you.

Gem of the Day: Logic is the organized procedure for lousing things up with confidence and certainty.