Sport’s Ok, But Where’s The Zamboni?

If you’re looking to plunge right into these centennial Games, what better way to get wet than with one of those definitive Olympic sports like women’s field hockey?

Well, a better way would be to go to the right stadium.

Hey, a little slack, OK? I was on the proper bus to the 9 a.m. game between the United States women and the Netherlands and followed proper Olympic protocol: I followed a bunch of guys who didn’t speak English.

The theory: They had to know where the field hockey was, and I wasn’t certain exactly what it was.

Perhaps 15 minutes into warmups it was clear I’d followed some German guys to the men’s game at Clark Atlanta University and not some Dutch guys to the women’s game at Morris Brown University. Fortunately, the stadiums are only five blocks apart, so I was in my rightful seat before you could say “penalty corner.”

And in time to report that the Americans and the Dutch played to a 1-1 tie - salvaged by the U.S. in the final 2 minutes on one of those penalty corners off the stick of Marcia Pankratz - in front of what was reputed to be the second-largest audience for a women’s field hockey game on our shores: an estimated 7,500.

It was a knowledgeable crowd, which is to say they could spell “U-S-A.” Certainly the players were impressed.

“You’re so focused, you forget the crowd’s there,” said Pankratz, “and then something big happens and there’s this roar.”

Still, the tie was regarded as a mild disappointment for our women, who have been touted as probable medalists. There was also a controversy over just how much sleep the Americans got Friday night. We’ll have more on that, if Inside Edition doesn’t get it first.

That aside, field hockey is fun: On artificial turf, it resembles full-contact miniature golf without the windmills.

But not as fun as it could be: There is no Zamboni.

Its practitioners lean toward the gritty. U.S. goaltender Patty Shea, 33, has had 13 operations on her right knee. In the first half against the Dutch, she singlehandedly kept the Americans even with some spectacular saves. In the second half, she sassed the ref and was given a green card.

If only it was so easy at immigration.

On the flip side, the women play in short skirts, and U.S. forward Kelli James had her fingernails painted red, white and blue. Field hockey could be the perfect fall-back option for Dennis Rodman.

Maybe this is a good time for a little lore. Field hockey is our earliest stick-and-ball sport, evidence of it having been discovered in ancient pictographs in Egypt, where the game was invented by Abdul Doubleday. It was introduced to the States by a British P.E. teacher, Constance Applebee - Connie Hockeyseed to thousands of crooked stickhandlers.

Alas, not long after the advent of indoor plumbing freezing over, field hockey was overtaken in popularity by ice hockey with its greater potential for speed, mayhem and the 50/50 raffle.

Women didn’t play in the Olympics until 1980. India’s men were dominant for three decades. The Pakistanis had a chance to win gold in 1972, but lost on a penalty shot, assaulted an official and were banned for life. Yet they were back competing in the next Olympics. Gene Budig must have been field hockey’s commish before moving on to grander spinelessness dealing with Albert Belle.

That’ll all be on the midterm, by the way.

The U.S. women won the bronze in 1984, failed to place in ‘88 and missed Barcelona altogether. So they went the same route as the women’s basketball team - assembling their team for ‘96 a year in advance and headquartering here to get acclimated.

That didn’t prevent a giant case of first-game nerves, which allowed the Dutch to dominate the first half. They had a 6-0 advantage in penalty corners - a bizarre looking set in which five attackers wait on the striking circle 16 yards from goal for the ball to be rolled from a spot on the end line by what U.S. coach Pam Hixon charmingly called the “pusher-outer.” Four defenders and the goalie wait in the net until the ball is centered, then charge out.

Similar tactics cost the Redcoats the colonies.

Speaking of tactics, Hixon was unnecessarily touchy about hers not to impose a Friday night curfew.

After a 4-hour team meeting, the players were left to make up their own minds whether to attend the Opening Ceremonies, which dragged on until well after midnight.

“I’m not at liberty to say how many went or who,” Hixon said. “The team made a confidential pact, in case we were to lose. This wasn’t something for the coach to decide - for me to deny them would be wrong.”

She gets a gold medal here for letting them go.

Even though she had less than 6 hours of sleep, James hardly minded that 6:30 wake-up call for the first event of the Games.

“Americans gravitate toward the money sports,” she said. “The Olympics are all about the smaller sports that aren’t recognized - the people who work hard for $200 a month in sponsorship, not $200,000 a month. It was nice to be on stage first.”

And they weren’t too sleepy to find the right stadium, either.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Color photo

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = John Blanchette The Spokesman-Review