Cheap Seats

Take me out at the ball-game

Rowdy the Raccoon is on his way to becoming David the Jailbird. The Bend Bandits mascot, played by 34-yearold David Scott Karr, was given the ax after an ugly incident involving a high-powered squirt gun.

Karr was arrested on three counts of menacing after allegedly using the large water gun to hose down a woman, her child and another person in the stands during Tuesday’s 21-5 Western Baseball League game loss to Tri-City. The club, which hired a temporary employee to fill in Thursday night, has been flooded with calls from would-be mascots. Auditions are today.

As for Karr, his troubles appear to have only begun. He was subsequently arrested on a pair of warrants - one alleging failure to appear on a charge of driving with a suspended license, another alleging a probation violation stemming from an old DUI charge.

Let us recommend Oregon water torture.

Give Kruk an Oscar as leading grouch

Former major leaguer John Kruk thought he would like acting in TriStar’s new movie, “The Fan.” But he had nothing but gripes about his short-lived acting career.

“I don’t know why I did the movie,” said Kruk, who had a bit part in the Robert DeNiro sports thriller, due out Aug. 16. “Hollywood sucks.”

Kruk was disenchanted by the many hours of downtime while making a movie.

“I sit around for hours on end and have nothing to do until they’re ready for me to hit a homer or strike out,” he said, unwittingly describing his baseball career. “I can’t figure out what they do with all that time.”

British director Tony Scott was a perfectionist, Kruk said. “I like the guy and all, but he would have me sitting for 14 straight hours, call me at the hotel at 3 a.m. and expect me to knock one out of the park,” Kruk crowed. “Not even Babe Ruth can do that!”

Babe just ain’t what he used to be.

They should’ve used the SI swimsuit calendar

Stan Wright, U.S. Olympic track coach, took a lot of heat in ‘72 when sprinters Eddie Hart and Rey Robinson missed their 100-meter heats because Wright had an outdated schedule. But according to David Wallechinsky’s “Complete Book of the Olympics,” that was nothing compared to the fate of the Russian rifle team at the 1908 Games in London.

The competition was over before the Russians arrived. Why? Because they were still using the Julian calendar and the rest of the world was using the Gregorian. The calendars were 12 days apart.

Sounds like the Atlanta bus calendar.

Thomas Alva “Big Unit” Edison

Sports Illustrated for Kids asked athletes whether they had invented anything when they were kids. Chicago Cubs first baseman Mark Grace described his school science project, a burglar alarm; U.S. softball team pitcher Michele Granger talked about playing the game using water balloons as balls on a hot day.

But none could top Randy Johnson. “I invented electricity and the light bulb,” the Mariners pitcher said, “but I didn’t get credit for it.”

Did the bullpen blow that one, too?

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo

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