Why Women Go Ape Over Clinton

Science has come to the rescue of confused Republicans who don’t understand why American women in droves prefer Bill Clinton, a smooth-talking, draft-dodging womanizer, to good ol’ reliable Bob Dole.

If all the preachers, politicians and pundits are right that character counts, Republicans can’t figure why women support a man with such well-publicized infidelities - a man accused of sexual harassment and who recently gushed uncontrollably about how he wanted to date a really good-looking 15-year-old girl whose well-preserved body was frozen for 500 years in the Andes Mountains.

Monkey researchers may have the answer. They have found that dominant monkeys get a chemical high when they appear before their noisy and attentive followers. Researchers claim that the dominant monkeys experience a rush of complex brain chemicals that stimulate confidence, elation and sensory arousal. No doubt the monkey audience picks up on the signals of confidence and power coming from their dominant leader, which is what is expected from a leader.

And, according to a Knight-Ridder article by Frank Greve, American politicians who appear before live audiences report the same of stimulations that scientists found in dominant monkeys.

The monkey scientists believe that the neurotransmitters that are released in the brains of dominant monkeys are probably addictive. Pat Buchanan said he is sure of it. The bigger the audience and the bigger the conquest, the bigger the high, he said.

Campaigning politicians report they eat less and need less sleep. They often report that nagging health problems disappear. And they also report that they become elated when they campaign before their followers.

Greve notes that Clinton becomes flushed and cannot calm down when he campaigns. Ronald Reagan’s handlers learned to keep their man jazzed up with live audiences.

People with power, even ugly people with power such as Henry Kissinger, are often described as sexually attractive and desirable. That makes sense to monkey researchers who say the rush of brain chemicals experienced by dominant monkeys when they appear before their followers affects diet, sleep cycles, sociability and sexuality. In other words, these alpha male stud-muffins get a big boost of lust.

Female monkeys, and other species as well, pick up on the signals of strength and virility from the dominant males. They are programmed by nature to select males with traits that will help their offspring survive.

There’s no question that Clinton gets a huge buzz out of politics. Unlike Dole, Clinton is at his best when he appears before a live audience. While Clinton is not trusted by men who see him as a slick-talking Ozark skirt-chaser, women prefer Clinton by a 2-1 margin, which may well be an all-time high. The difference must be that intoxicating Clinton musk. What else could it be? It’s true - men just don’t get it.

Women may trust Dole more than Clinton to baby-sit their children. But they would prefer to be out with Clinton in that old pickup he joked about rolling around in during in his Arkansas youth.

Clinton is the sort of person most men fear will show up at their doorstep to pick up their daughters. Flowers, big grin, and lots of smooth talk. Uh, oh.

Dole, on the other hand, is the sort of person most men would want their daughters to date. But for some reason that fathers never understand, a bad reputation often only enhances a man’s appeal to women.

Even if the monkey research does not explain the Clinton-Dole gender gap, it should explain why politics often is referred to as monkey business.

xxxx