Then There’s The Aesop Biopic, ‘The Fable Guy’
Some summer movie blockbusters you’re not likely to see at the local cineplex, as imagined in the New Yorker:
“Exterminator,” starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as a pest-control specialist “transported back in time to the 14th century by a faulty supermarket checkout scanner.”
“Baywatch, the Movie,” in which “a Chinese military satellite containing plutonium lands in the bay and starts turning beach babes and dudes into gnarly mutants.”
“Dwagonheart,” about “a 10th century knight with a speech impediment” played by Keanu Weeves, er, Reeves.
“Emission Impossible,” a tale of international agents plotting to instigate war between two Middle Eastern potentates (Martin Landau and Joe Pesci) “by convincing them that they are impotent.”
Loose talk
Jim Carrey, explaining his acting style on the Comedy Central network: “When I get to the set, they say, ‘The Ego Has Landed.’ I use that fear to control, manipulate, get my way, eat up the scenery, step on everyone else’s lines because THIS IS WAR AND I MUST WIN!”
Just call it a case of the gay and the blades
Boy George turns 35 and Eric Heiden 38 today.
Won’t follow orders? Well, exc-u-u-u-se me!
John Travolta is being sued for walking off the set of the Roman Polanski comedy “The Double,” with Travolta saying he was promised creative control and producers claiming he wouldn’t follow Polanski’s direction. Travolta has been replaced by Steve Martin.
Same suits, but some have longer inseams
Basketball-cum-screen-star Shaquille O’Neal says he doesn’t care about making less than his more established co-stars, such as Nick Nolte in “Blue Chips.” As the 7-foot-1 O’Neal told Movieline magazine: “Anyway, $6 million is really the same as $3 million. We’ve all got the same cars, the same suits, the same houses.”
She’s simply a natural for those doll parts
Courtney Love may catch her share of flak, but Woody Harrelson, who plays the Hustler magazine publisher in the upcoming “The People vs. Larry Flynt,” says she’s great as his screen wife. “She is so good, so in the moment and so real,” he told Detour magazine. “Sure, she’s crazy as hell, but she’s also driven, very focused.”
He will, however, have his teeth widened
David Letterman will play himself interviewing Howard Stern several years ago in the film version of Stern’s autobiography, “Private Parts,” but declined to wear a toupee to make his hairline historically accurate.
As ideas go, the guy is a real germinator
There’s apparently more to Arnold Schwarzenegger than what you see on camera: Esquire reports that the action star is planning to write what’s being described as an “inspirational how-to” book. “Arnold’s got some surprisingly good ideas for it,” said a publishing source. “His brain is his most underappreciated muscle.”
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 Color photos
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Rick Bonino