Demonstrate A Tender Kiss

Dear Ann Landers: I am 14, and my friends and I always read your column, but we have noticed that you rarely address the problems of teenage girls. Here’s a very common one - kissing. Some girls have the perfect first kiss, but for most of us, it’s gross.

I have always dreamed of my first kiss as something tender and thoroughly enjoyable. Recently, I received it. My boyfriend managed to remove all my makeup in the process of sucking my face off. It was his first kiss, too, so I guess he didn’t know better.

I told him he was moving too fast for me (even though I was totally ready). He apologized and felt bad the rest of the evening. Since he’s so inexperienced, how can I give him some pointers without insulting or embarrassing him? - Confused and Disgusted in Virginia

Dear Va.: Tell him there are different styles of kissing, and you would like to show him the style you like best. Then, demonstrate the soft kiss. I’ll bet he’ll be thrilled. (P.S.: Teenagers with braces should be careful.)

Dear Ann Landers: May I respond to “Chris in Heyburn, Idaho,” who wrote about the deprivation and challenges his generation faced?

I grew up in the ‘60s and ‘70s. Although my generation enjoyed more affluence than my parents’, those years presented their own challenges. The difference between me and the younger set is that I’m not whining and complaining. I survived the lean and mean years because as an adolescent I learned the basics of resolving problems and meeting challenges. Those life skills have served me well.

One of the problems in our contemporary society is that children are not allowed to make their own mistakes and fight their own battles. The ideal environment for children is not devoid of problems and disappointments.

Children and teens need problems, setbacks and challenges. Facing challenges and resolving problems constitute the building blocks of character, resourcefulness and the maturity to accept responsibility.

In the ‘60s and ‘70s, you couldn’t be picky about jobs because there weren’t enough to go around. My friends and I baby-sat, worked as nurse’s aides, waited tables and spent hours on our feet in retail stores to make ends meet. Nowadays, every store and fast food restaurant I walk into advertises for part-time workers.

Many teenagers today have no concept of what it is to set a goal and save money to realize it. They are paying dearly for their idleness and apathy. They are also missing out on the thrill of achieving a goal and the sense of accomplishment that goes with it. I see too many teens these days who:

1. possess few or no coping mechanisms;

2. have cultivated a passive work ethic;

3. habitually blame parents or society for their problems and frustrations;

4. possess a selfish attitude of entitlement;

5. are unwilling to delay gratification - they want everything now;

6. have failed to formulate realistic values;

7. lack integrity;

8. are depressed.

- Baby Boomer in St. Charles, Mo.

Dear Boomer in Mo.: You see the bottle as half empty. I see it as half full.

I know (and hear from) many teenagers who are hard-working, goal-oriented, responsible, generous, thoughtful and who want to make something of themselves. If you keep telling kids they are no good, they will prove you right. I prefer to give them something to live up to. It works.