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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

‘Down Periscope’ Sails Along With Witty Grammer

Beth Pinsker Dallas Morning News

Are you nostalgic for “Operation Petticoat”? Hungry for a screwball military comedy like “Stripes” or “Private Benjamin”? The new movie “Down Periscope will fulfill your needs the same way a Weight Watchers frozen dinner satisfies your craving for a healthy, home-cooked meal. It’s less meaty and flavorful than you hoped for, but it keeps you from starving.

As Lt. Cmdr. Tom Dodge, a loser on his way out of the Navy, Kelsey Grammer blends the same wicked stew of edginess and daffiness that makes his character on TV’s “Frasier” such a success. With a simple smirk, Grammer gives Dodge the air of a loose cannon who would rather be pushed out on his own terms than give in to the pompous stuffed shirts who set the rules. B

The powers that be don’t trust Dodge much, either, not since he had “Welcome Aboard” tattooed on a sensitive part of his anatomy. Before they’ll agree to promote him, Admirals Bruce Dern and Rip Torn want to test his mettle in a military exercise. If he loses, he’s saddled to a desk for the rest of his career. If he wins, he gets command of his own boat.

Outfitting him with a diesel sub, circa 1958, and a crew of Navy rejects, they set him afloat to attack the ports of Charleston, S.C., and Norfolk, Va., which are protected by a fleet of advanced, nuclear-powered subs.

With quick, strong brushstrokes, director David S. Ward (“Major League”) dispenses with the formalities of setting up his premise. When our first image is of Dodge chipping golf balls off the deck of a submarine in plaid bloomers, we know he’s in for a rough ride with the authorities. And after a quick trip through the lineup of his recruits, we know Dodge isn’t going to have much help from the bench.

Once the crew gets on board, the action and pacing turn “Down Periscope” into a respectably taut cat-and-mouse chase with the lone sub chugging its way through the deep water of the Eastern Seaboard, trying to outrun and outsmart the attack subs.

Spoofing such underwater adventures as “The Hunt for Red October” and “Crimson Tide,” the small crew uses the now-familiar lingo to go through the motions of sub order, but with a few twists and turns. Disguising itself as a fishing trawler and a whale, not to mention piggybacking onto a supertanker, are just a few of the tricks Dodge has up his sleeve.

There are a few down bubbles in the humor, too. Rob Schneider’s neurotic and twitchy executive officer is completely overdone. As the lone female officer, Lauren Holly has her uniform shrunk so she’s bursting with cleavage. Smoking in the engine room, Harry Dean Stanton looks like he’s been down under so long that Hollywood has forgotten he can act.

Short on outright jokes, the level of humor might go right past many fans of misfit farces. Those who worry about the dumbing down of America probably aren’t ready for jokes such as Dodge’s lament when he’s shown his creaky old boat: “No disrespect to the USS Rust-Oleum here, but I’d be better off on the Merrimack.”

Needless to say, Dodge defies expectations in his quest for Navy gold. And Grammer does as well, in an over-the-top comedy that eventually wiggles its way up and over the wall.

MEMO: Two sidebars appeared with the story: 1. “Down Periscope” Locations: East Sprague, North Division and Coeur d’Alene cinemas Credits: Directed by David S. Ward; starring Kelsey Grammer, Lauren Holly, Harry Dean Stanton, Bruce Dern, Rob Schneider and Rip Torn Running time: 2:03 Rating: PG-13

2. Other view Here’s what another critic says about “Down Periscope:” Michael H. Price/Fort Worth Star-Telegram: Kelsey Grammer gets sunk by his own starring role in “Down Periscope,” a service comedy that is no more serviceable than the decrepit submarine that Grammer must command. Bereft of character, suspense, humor and motivation, the film stumps along on vulgarity and bluster by allowing top-billed Grammer to be upstaged throughout by the unpleasant contributions of Rob Schneider (as an officious executive officer), Bruce Dern (as a hateful admiral) and a variety of lesser talents who make the Three Stooges look dignified by comparison.

Two sidebars appeared with the story: 1. “Down Periscope” Locations: East Sprague, North Division and Coeur d’Alene cinemas Credits: Directed by David S. Ward; starring Kelsey Grammer, Lauren Holly, Harry Dean Stanton, Bruce Dern, Rob Schneider and Rip Torn Running time: 2:03 Rating: PG-13

2. Other view Here’s what another critic says about “Down Periscope:” Michael H. Price/Fort Worth Star-Telegram: Kelsey Grammer gets sunk by his own starring role in “Down Periscope,” a service comedy that is no more serviceable than the decrepit submarine that Grammer must command. Bereft of character, suspense, humor and motivation, the film stumps along on vulgarity and bluster by allowing top-billed Grammer to be upstaged throughout by the unpleasant contributions of Rob Schneider (as an officious executive officer), Bruce Dern (as a hateful admiral) and a variety of lesser talents who make the Three Stooges look dignified by comparison.